tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25636019367238445962024-02-06T20:44:52.224-08:00A Life UnveiledA blog about transparency and life as a woman, mom and wife. Honest reflection on faith, authentic living, vulnerability, love and relationships.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17422830983627984915noreply@blogger.comBlogger20125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2563601936723844596.post-55427795388881251952016-09-12T13:25:00.001-07:002016-09-12T13:28:03.665-07:00The Sharing Rules (or, "I'm broken, not stupid")<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I posted an abbreviated version of this on a secret facebook group I am a part of. A tribe of people who are there because they value change and growth and understand struggle. People who seem to be on a journey towards vulnerability, belonging and worthiness. <br /><br />A journey to truly discover and find bravery to reveal their authentic selves. <br /><br /><i>These are my thoughts on sharing... </i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> On being vulnerable. And I posted them in a safe place first, a place where I keep folks are already abiding by the rules. <br /><br /> But then I realized, I am applying these rules in my entire life, with everybody, and they deserve to know the rules of the game. <br /><br />I had a conversation with a very dear friend the other day and she said to me, "The only difference between us is that you like to open up and share, and I do not". She was being honest. I love this. <br /><br />But here's the truth, I don't like to share. I like people to think I'm perfect. I like people to see how "together" I have it. <br /><br />I'm a wife, mom of 4 and business owner. <br /><br />But I can do this. I can run 2 businesses, keep my home in relative order and keep my husband satisfied by being a wildly sexual woman after a day of snotty noses, spaghetti kisses and the toilet that ALWAYS has poop in it (this is a story for another day). <br /><br />No. Problem. <br /><br />But that is a big fucking lie. And you know it. <br /><br />You know it because you're here, reading this. You are desperately searching to find some flaw, some loophole in my neat and tidy marriage, happy kids and cute, but acceptably crazy life. <br /><br />You are dying inside to know that you are not alone. <br /><br />You scan your screen for little hints that might slip through the cracks .... maybe she doesn't have it all completely together ... you know, <i>just like me</i>.<br /><br />But lately I've found myself committed to cutting the crap. I am done. I am so tired and so depressed and so exhausted of feeling so, so very alone. And I have thrown myself into this, under the bus, at the altar so that maybe I can help one person, even just one, know that they too are not alone.<br /><br />My motto has become:<i> BE FEARLESSLY AUTHENTIC.</i><br /><br />I used to be pretty certain that everyone would appreciate this.<br /><br />I've gotta tell you though, my new commitment to "authenticity" has brought about some strange and surprising reactions. <br /><br />Sometimes I walk away and laugh. <br /><br />Sometimes I cry. <br /><br />Sometimes I think I will quickly determine how accurate my right hook is. <br /><br />I am not sure why or exactly what provokes it ... but I cannot stand when people <i>feel fake</i>.<br /><br />Fake empathy, fake enthusiasm, fake interest. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">It literally makes me crazy.<br /><br />I understand that there are times in life we need to feel and be something we are not yet. I understand that sometimes we need to put on a brave face when we're scared or a smile when we are falling apart. These are emergencies. Times when you can't afford to lose it.<br /><br />That's not what I mean.<br /><br />What I am referring to is people who are in such deep denial or disregard of their actual feelings or state or experiences that they can no longer inform their face of the lie. They have convinced themselves they are "fine" or "strong" or "together" .... but the gig is up.<br /><br />It seeps out.<br /><br />In word, in tone, in gesture. In feigned empathy or concern. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">True colors are shown in bold, bull-like confidence. In cliches and phrases that tell you they are not connecting with you, they are "handling" you.<br /><br /><i><b>I am done with being handled. </b></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I am broken, I am messy, I am complicated. I am authentic and broken open and willing to share what is hidden deep inside.<br /><br />But this does not ...<br /><br /><i>I repeat, THIS DOES NOT </i>apply to people who are NOT ALSO willing to <b><i>break open and go into their own dark places.</i></b><br />I will not discuss my brokenness with someone who thinks they are whole and can fix me.<br /><br />I will not share my most vulnerable, real self with someone who hides their flaws and scars and preaches at me. My heart and my spirit are too tender and I've worked too hard to open that up to the scrutiny of someone who is afraid of their own inner self.<br /><br />Not a chance.<br /><br /><b><i>I am broken. I am not stupid.</i></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">So it's not that I entirely enjoy sharing. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I actually kind of LOATHE it ... but I know I have to. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">It was only through people who shared that I was brought "back". They drew my clunky, broken messy life back through a tiny sliver of light that shone through the darkness. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">And please understand, the reason I write, the reason I do this public display is because the people who saved me are people <i>I HAVE NEVER MET. </i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><i><br /></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">They saved me from afar. Through blogs and books and virtual communities. They saved me because they were brave enough to share, to put their stories "out there". </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">And so now I too share.<br /><br />But those who I invite to share back with me must pass the initiation rules. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">They are (basically) as follows:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><i>You must be willing. You can be terrified. You can even be silent, but you must be willing to yourself be authentic.</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><i><br /></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><i>You must tell it like it is. Not because you are whole and correct. But because you too have hurts and scars and unspeakable joys and can share from a place of deep empathy.</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><i><br /></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><i>You must be able to keep it real. I can smell falseness from a mile away. I want nothing to do with that.</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><i><br /></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><i>You must be journeying. You must know there is a "journey" to begin with. You must not believe you have "arrived".</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><i><br /></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">And that is it. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I do not care where you are on your journey. But if authenticity and vulnerability and finding a sense of worth and belonging in this big, scary and messy world is something you value, we can share.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">If not, that's fine, but you will meet my "outer self" at the door. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">She will show you around the main room, I think you'll find it quite nice. I will be kind and courteous and polite and I will mind my language and manners and keep my life quiet and orderly for you here in this bright and well-ordered room.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">But you do not get to see the basement or the attic or the closets or the dark corners. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">They are off limits for now. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">A day might come where you find yourself looking into the dark corners in your own life. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">At that point, come to me. Drop everything and run. Barefoot if you need to.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I will be waiting and we will sit, share, and open up ... we will let small cracks of light into our broken places, <i>together</i>. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Bravely forth, </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><span style="font-size: large;"><i>Jac</i> :)</span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17422830983627984915noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2563601936723844596.post-64662328194087250242016-09-03T13:31:00.001-07:002016-09-03T13:45:08.312-07:00Dear Husband Thinking of Leaving ...Dear Husband,<br />
<br />
I know that you have been thinking of leaving us. <br />
<br />
I don't know if there is someone else. I don't know exactly when or how you will go. <br />
<br />
But I know you've been thinking about it. Because I have too.<br />
<br />
This marriage isn't what we bargained for is it? It's not a happily ever after. There's no more spark.<br />
<br />
Remember when we used to love each other's company? Laugh, tease, hang out?<br />
<br />
Before sleepless nights and fights over who will get up with the kids. Before bills that can't be paid and plans that don't work out. Between exhausting days and broken dreams ... this wasn't what we signed up for, was it?<br />
<br />
Or maybe it was. Maybe they just didn't warn us.<br />
<br />
For better or for worse, we vowed.<br />
<br />
They like to skip over the "worse" part. But we know now what that looks like.<br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>Fights about who does more, about how to fold the laundry and where to store the cutting boards. Insidious, lingering fights that lead to tension and snappy, mean comments. </i><br />
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And<i> silence. </i><br />
<br />
"Worse" is <i>two ships passing in the night</i>. A marriage that has dissolved into a really cold business arrangement. Two bodies avoiding each other. Finding their own ways to occupy their time. Avoiding conversation.<br />
<br />
Worse isn't one bad event, a tragedy or a day, although these things may play a role.<br />
<br />
"Worse" is a feeling. A tight gripping around your chest. A lump in your throat. A welling of tears that won't go back down. And then nothing. A deadness almost, where once there was life and growth and excitement.<br />
<br />
So I know that you've thought about leaving me, because I have too.<br />
<br />
This life we've built is full of commitments, anchors and responsibilities. All of them tie us down, make us feel unappreciated, broken. <br />
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How did we get here? Neither of us meant to create this life of burden and struggle.<br />
<br />
I know you did not mean to shut me out. To close me off. To find new interests.<br />
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And I did not mean to lose my body and then withdraw my sexuality and my free spirit. I did not mean to turn into a judgmental and resentful person.<br />
<br />
But we are broken.<br />
<br />
Nobody told us this beautiful and holy marriage would break us down into shattered pieces of who we were. <br />
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Nobody warned us that this would be the hardest, most grueling battle we would ever fight.<br />
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But it did. And it does. And that is the point.<br />
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You are not supposed to stay with me because it the thing that is the easiest and most convenient to do.<br />
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I am not supposed to stay with you for "better" alone. <br />
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We are supposed to stay <b>when all we want to do is leave.</b> When life here is too much to bear. Too hard, too boring, too unexciting, too stressful, too uncertain, too unsatisfying, too much. <br />
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We are meant to be broken. So broken, in fact, that there is no semblance of our former selves left.<br />
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And then, I think, we can rebuild. Together. From the ashes we will form something. Something completely new. Something that will withstand the fire and wind and the hell that life may bring. <br />
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Something that will carry our family through the "worse".<br />
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Life fed us a lie Husband, that we are entitled to certainty and satisfaction. <br />
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But that is not true. We are owed no such thing. We are not owed infatuation or ease or comfort.<br />
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This marriage is a gift, not because we will always feel from it a sense of happiness, comfort or complete bliss.<br />
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This marriage is a gift because it will give us space to be broken (which life will do to us anyways, regardless of whether we reside in a marriage or not). It will give us a place to share our brokenness.<br />
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To connect authentically with someone who can truly say "<i>I am down here, with you. I feel hurt and shame and vulnerability. And it feels bad. " </i><br />
<i><br /></i>
This may seem depressing, but in fact it is liberating. These dark places are where we find the deepest, strongest and most intimate connection we can with another human being. The places where we say, "<i>Can we be broken together</i>?"<br />
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And suddenly, like the pieces of a puzzle coming together to reveal the final, bigger picture, we will see what we are here to do, and to be. <br />
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I know we are not there yet. I know that our pieces are scattered and broken and we feel lost and torn apart. <br />
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But we would be robbing ourselves of a rich and deep experience if we walked away. We would rob ourselves of connection and relationship. <br />
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And so I will not leave. <br />
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And I ask you to consider sitting with me a while. Even if we must sit in silence, staring at our feet on the floor. Muttering. Feeling hurt.<br />
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It is this hurt, this loneliness, this shame and this disillusionment that tells us ... We belong here. <br />
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We are in exactly the right place to bring our brokenness together and discover exactly what this life has for us.<br />
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It will be messy. It will be gritty. And we will write many terrible chapters before the story comes to a close.<br />
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But we will be together. Broken. Together.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
(<i>For more inspiration and information on reconciling with a life of uncertainty and discomfort, please check out the work of <a href="http://peterrollins.net/" target="_blank">Peter Rollins</a>. Also, watch the video for Casting Crowns' "<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RhxELo-uD3c" target="_blank">Broken Together</a>". </i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>Also, although our marriage has been very tough, I would never advocate staying in a marriage where there was abuse or violence. Please seek help if you find yourself in this place.)</i><br />
<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17422830983627984915noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2563601936723844596.post-25338447221163453642016-04-05T12:15:00.001-07:002016-04-10T07:49:31.557-07:00Drop the Cape, Super-MomThis last two years have been very hard for me.<br />
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I don't like to admit it. I like to be strong.<br />
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<i>"Hahaha yes I am a mom of 4. Oh yes I home school. And run my own business. Sure it's crazy but we're so blessed." (She says smiling with a glance downwards. So humble. So strong). </i><br />
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I can give this bullshit speech in my sleep. I quite literally gave it the other day to a girl I'd recently met. She (as folks often do when they know me through work and haven't yet met my family) marveled at the fact that I had 4 KIDS. And seem sane.<br />
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I delivered my speech as I always do, complete with smile and downward gaze as though I hadn't spent the better half of the morning bawling, fighting with the kids and stressing about our current life and financial crisis.<br />
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I cheerily loaded my kids up in the van and drove off. Quite proud of how well I'd acted and quite convinced she was impressed with my togetherness and competence.<br />
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Why do I do this?<br />
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Why do any of us do this?<br />
<br />
We act as though managing 27 levels of stress and obligations is a commendable feat. We wear our over-committed schedules and our fake ability to cope as a badge of honor. We praise the ones who seemingly do it all.<br />
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And in the process we damage everyone around us.<br />
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We perpetuate the myth that the more you do the better you are. We heap steaming crap on the pile of shit that everyone is already digging out from under when we pride ourselves on how flawless and together we are.<br />
<br />
Maybe you don't do that. <br />
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Maybe your Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and snap chat reflect accurately the joys and challenges of your life. Maybe your posts aren't filled only with amazing dinner pictures, family togetherness, and just enough glamourized and dramatic struggle to gain the attention you're seeking. Maybe you are able to be authentic and genuine about your life without falling into the common trap of the victim or poor me routine. Maybe what we see on social media is in fact an accurate representation of your sweet and perfectly balanced life.<br />
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Or maybe that doesn't exist and you've succeded in bullshitting yourself like I have.<br />
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<i>But what then, you ask, should we put on Facebook? </i><br />
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I don't know.<br />
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And who really cares.<br />
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I literally just about didn't let my 8 and 6 and a half year old ride their scooters around the block the other day in our small town because <i>what if someone saw and judged me and put it on Facebook</i>?<br />
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My ability to make sound and reasonable decisions or judgements about my life is skewed by the completely false and attention-seeking world of social media.<br />
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Now please don't comment with a whole bunch of #Facebookhater kind of stuff.<br />
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Social media is great tool . In fact although I seem a bit cynical here my beef isn't really with the internet at all.<br />
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It's with people like me.<br />
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People who put so much emphasis on doing it all.<br />
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It's the sentiment that the more stressed out you are the more successful you must be. The more tasks you juggle, the more competent you are. The more you do, the more <i>worthy you are.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>Want to see if you're guilty of any of this false advertisement? Here's a test.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
Imagine how you'd feel if I told you that for each day this next week, these had to be your Facebook posts:<br />
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"Today I slept in so I fed the kids rice cakes and processed cheese for breakfast"<br />
"We can't afford to pay our power bill."<br />
"My husband's busy work schedule and the extra 15 pounds I gained with our last baby has sure made for a lousy sex life"<br />
"I'm depressed. I probably need therapy but I'm too tired and ashamed to admit it."<br />
"I really love my kids. I think they're great and deserve good things"<br />
"I can't cook. I hate cleaning. I'm really not a very great housewife".<br />
"Today I took my kids to the park and sat on my phone the whole time" (no "lol" here)<br />
"I think I deserve better. I am sad and tired. Everyone else seems to have it together."<br />
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You could keep going.<br />
<br />
I suspect I'm not the only one with whom these statements resonate. Maybe one of them, maybe more.<br />
<br />
These are truths.<br />
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We feel alone. We feel tired. We feel self-pity.<br />
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So what do we do?<br />
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We post pictures of our food and our perfect family and try to make ourselves feel better.<br />
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We don't feel better but we do perpetuate the cycle of isolation and sadness by creating for others a false sense of our reality.<br />
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In the developed, affluent culture we live we are seeing unprecedented levels of depression, anxiety and mental health issues.<br />
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I think a lot of that is related to <i>EXPECTATIONS.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>"I should be more like her. I'm not enough. I could do more."</i><br />
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<i>And the world we see tells us WE CAN have it all.</i><br />
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As women especially, but also as humans, we need to drop the super-human standards. Nobody is ACTUALLY reaching them. It's a bunch of smoke in mirrors.<br />
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We need to start speaking openly and vulnerably about how life is. We need trust, loyalty and authenticity to feel safe to share what real life looks like.<br />
<br />
Gritty. Hard. Lonely. Beautiful.<br />
<br />
Or as the wonderful Glennon Doyle Melton of <a href="http://momastery.com/">Momastery.com</a> puts it ... Brut-iful.<br />
<br />
Brutal. But so deeply beautiful.<br />
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So ladies, put down your capes and pick up your phones (you know, they do more than take pictures and browse Pinterest).<br />
<br />
Call a mom you know. Ask her to bring her crazy, grubby, beautiful kids over for a coffee. Tell her not to worry, your house is kid friendly. Or find her a babysitter and take her out for dinner. Listen to her. Encourage her. Be honest.<br />
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Call a college student and take them for a fancy dinner. They need to know college can be fun, but it can also be horrid and overwhelmingly stressful. Tell them you know lots of college kids have committed suicide and ask them how that makes them feel.<br />
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Call the newly married couple in your church. Have them over for dinner. Let them swoon about how great marriage is. Let them remind you about those times. But also share with them that it's okay to fight. That you might wake up one day wondering who the heck this other person is ... and that's okay. Love is a decision, and sometimes it's a tough one.<br />
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Call a teenager and instead of telling them, "Ah kid it gets better after high school" (which is totally false!), share with them. Tell them how you're dealing with current challenges and ask about theirs.<br />
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Honestly is hard. Authenticity (without being disingenuine, fake or belittling) is a learned skill.<br />
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Practice it.<br />
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Nurturing real relationships is the only way to shed the light of truth on our lives and our expectations. When we get to know people, <i>really know them</i>, then what we see on social media can become a fun, anecdotal outlet, but never a standard against which we hold ourselves.<br />
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This takes courage. It takes boldness and it takes some honest self-reflection. It also takes kindness. Especially to ourselves.<br />
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If we can be kind and generous in our assessment of our own life, this will naturally extend out.<br />
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And isn't this what we are all looking for ... A little more understanding and connection?<br />
<br />
Want to be a real Super-Hero?<br />
<br />
Drop the cape and find someone today you can be more open, honest and kind with.<br />
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Even if it's just yourself.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Bravely forth my Super-friends,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Jac :)</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17422830983627984915noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2563601936723844596.post-3340303509487872632016-03-26T08:17:00.001-07:002016-03-26T08:17:10.943-07:00Humility. Or, What You Acquire When You Fail at Conflict.I just wrote a blog about loving <a href="http://www.alifeunveiled.blogspot.ca/2016/03/my-new-love-of-conflict-warning-foul.html" target="_blank">conflict</a>.<br />
<br />
For those of you who pray, this is the equivalent of praying for patience.<br />
<br />
Dangerous.<br />
<br />
Do you know how you get the gift of patience? Through people and situations that irritate the hell out of you.<br />
<br />
Well do you know how you learn to love conflict? Not sitting by yourself sipping hot coffee and pondering the philosophies of life, that's for sure.<br />
<br />
You say you want to love conflict? Well you're going to get your chance.... Because conflict is gonna' climb all over you.<br />
<br />
Literally one day after professing my righteous and noble goal of leaning in and embracing conflict I found myself in the middle of a shit storm with my husband, Brendan. <br />
<br />
It started the night before with a little spat over the correction of the dog's bad behaviour, and we picked it all back up the next night without missing a beat.<br />
<br />
Hostility, harsh words and accusations of insensitivity and frustration ensued.<br />
<br />
Long story short it ended with Brendan warning me to stop quoting Brene Brown to him and me storming out for a drive at 11 at night. (I have to confess I'm giggling a little at the Brene Brown thing).<br />
<br />
Life has this funny way, as soon as you commit yourself to some awesome change in habits, mindsets, attitudes or lifestyle, of hitting you with all it's got in the opposite direction.<br />
<br />
Commit to your diet? Well why don't we just make that lunchroom donut delivery a double order? (And you forgot your lunch.)<br />
<br />
Going to pray more? Well wouldn't you know it the dog ate the bible.<br />
<br />
Going to yell less at your kids ... And then they seem to be the most heinous little beasts ever?<br />
<br />
I hear you. This phenomena is real.<br />
<br />
Call it coincidence, call it the enemy, either way there is only one way around it.<br />
<br />
Eat your humble pie and move on.<br />
<br />
When you set a goal it is usually centered around an end goal, an ideal outcome ... a goal weight, more patience, less anger, cleaner floors, etc.<br />
<br />
But no one said it all had to be <i>up and to the right.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
You know, like on a growth or progress chart where your success or achievement is on the left axis, the time line is on the bottom and the goal is in the top right corner. When you start you plot a line that goes straight up and to the right, directly toward the goal.<br />
<br />
But reality is a far more squiggly thing. That line will soar and dip and do loop-de-loops. You will get to your goal, but not in a straight line.<br />
<br />
<i>The key is NOT TO QUIT when things get swirling.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
Smile. Take a deep breath. Calm down and realize you are a human "being", not a human "finished". It's okay. We all screw up.<br />
<br />
You can pick right on up and keep on going. You can do that.<br />
<br />
We all can.<br />
<br />
That is the beauty of life.<br />
<br />
The only thing that will stop you is pride.<br />
<br />
An inability to see that mistakes ARE the journey... And the journey is far more exciting than the goal itself. Fear will tell you you're done for but you are not.<br />
<br />
You are developing fortitude, character and humility. <br />
<br />
You'll need these things because what you are moving towards is far greater than you could ever imagine.<br />
<br />
So stand up, dust off, lean in, be courageous. You can do this. You can do it again. And again.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Bravely forth my humble fighters,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
Jac :)<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17422830983627984915noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2563601936723844596.post-75349904857384300712016-03-24T09:19:00.000-07:002016-03-24T09:19:00.444-07:00My New "Love" of Conflict (Warning: Foul Language)I started this as a facebook status post but I realized I had far too much to say.<br />
<br />
I hate conflict. Contrary to that totally misleading blog title above, conflict (or the thought of potential conflict) washes me over with a wave of physical illness.<br />
<br />
Before I continue too much further, I should define what I mean by conflict, or maybe better describe some hypothetical scenarios that I would refer to as triggering "conflict feelings".<br />
<i><br /></i>
<i> (These are of course only loosely based on reality. Any resemblance to real persons or situations is purely coincidental).</i><br />
<br />
Conflict feelings arise when I have an encounter with someone (it may be a person I know and I'm in communication with or might be someone I've read about, heard speak or watched but have never met) who has in some way offended or disagreed with me on something I have a strong or fundamental belief about. This could be very obvious (such as someone stating, "<i>Anyone who goes to church is obviously an idiot") </i>or it could be more obscure or indirect, such as an implication that goes against how I see myself (like a coworker asking <i>"Does it bug you to work at a messy desk?"</i> even though you consider yourself fairly organized, most days). You may be surprised at how strongly you feel, even about seemingly insignificant topics.<br />
<br />
Conflict feelings arise when we are <i>CONFRONTED. </i>Confrontation can happen in an overtly aggressive way, but by definition confrontation can also mean facing a difficult situation or being forced to consider something in a different way, sometimes through accusations.<br />
<br />
I also find conflict feelings can arise through criticism or perceived judgement.<br />
<br />
The feelings start as a bit of sickness in the gut, and then as I begin to think about why I feel wronged, offended or defensive, they often turn to anger, resent and a fierce need for justification.<br />
<br />
I truly believe that the majority of everyday conflict (within homes, marriages, workplaces, malls, parking lots, etc) comes from a lack of communication or ineffective communication. I'm not so concerned here with where conflict comes from or how to prevent it in a global sense.<br />
<br />
I want to talk instead about how I've started to expose myself to conflict, or things that give me that low gut discomfort, in order to lean in and deal with these feelings. These <i>gut reactions.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
I've had to start with people, topics and conversations that I am NOT directly involved in. Watching things like political debates, religious debates or speakers who are not from the same camp as I am. People who I don't directly have to answer to, but who elicit these gross feelings inside of me and make me want to defend what is <i>right </i>(well, in my mind).<br />
<br />
If you still aren't sure what these feelings I'm talking about are, or if you think you do just fine at handling them, I'll challenge you to a fierce and potentially dangerous mission. Surf Facebook for a while, or go check out some internet forums on something you are passionate about. <br />
<br />
Parenting. Politics. Religion. Animal abuse. Human rights. Immigration. Terrorism. The government. Vaccinations. Assisted suicide. Donald Trump. (<i>sorry did I let that last one sneak in there??)</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
For some of you, just reading this list already has your mental reel running full speed with all of your opinions, convictions and defenses. <br />
<br />
Good. That's really good.<br />
<br />
Now sit with those feelings for a second. Breathe really deeply and try to bring up more of those feelings (make sure there are no sharp objects or potential victims within your reach!).<br />
<br />
Start to think deeper about <i>WHY </i>you are so fired up. Why does it matter to you? Why do you think <i>you are right</i>?<br />
<br />
I've started writing a lot. I write down everything. When I start to experience these feelings bubbling up and I am asking myself the above questions, I will write down what I'm discovering. <br />
<br />
Here's an example ...<br />
<br />
I was out getting groceries a few weeks ago when I returned to my van to put the groceries in it and leave. There was a man in his car beside me who, after I sat down to start the van, motioned for me to roll down my window. I did, and he proceeded to <i>tear a strip off me</i> for parking too close to his car. He ranted that I was inconsiderate and didn't think about how much room he might need to open his door and get in. This lasted about 2 minutes. I said I was very sorry and drove away.<br />
<br />
Then, when I was out of sight, I slung a whole string of profanities his way. Then I cried.<br />
<br />
Instead of brewing like I normally would I decided to do an experiment. So I pulled over and I wrote. Here is what I came up with (I apologize for the profanities but this is the real deal) :<br />
<br />
<i>That fucking ass. Who does he think he is? Shit its not like everyone else there wasn't parked close. Uggghhh ... I hate mean people. Did he have to be so angry. It's not like I meant to inconvenience or annoy him. </i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>I am ALWAYS helpful. I guess that's it. I always try to go out of my way to be kind and helpful. I am so offended he would think I was just "one of those" snotty or inconsiderate people. My feelings are hurt. I wanted to tell him ... I'M NOT LIKE THAT. I try so hard to help people out and it feels like you just get crapped on for it. </i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>Maybe he is very sad and lonely. It probably had nothing to do with me. If I was a little less insecure I could have made it about him, his struggle. Maybe I could have asked him if there was any way I could help him? Maybe I could have asked him a question? </i><i>Whatever it's too late now. </i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>I want everyone to make <a href="http://www.alifeunveiled.blogspot.ca/2016/03/assume-generously.html" target="_blank">generous assumptions</a> about me and not just assume I am a delinquent or bad person. It is SO FRUSTRATING when people just assume something negative about my intentions. I try SO HARD to keep people happy. </i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>And that is often a source of my frustration. The people-pleaser in me. That's really what it comes down to. Okay well now I can at least breathe and </i><i>I'm not so angry. </i><br />
<br />
<i><br /></i>
And that was it. <br />
<br />
I didn't think of it much after that, and I only remembered it again when writing this blog. In the past, I would have stewed and brewed, posted a ranting facebook post re-iterating the scenario in great detail and defending my position. <br />
<br />
But something funny happens when you lean into your feelings and dig down to the root of where they come from. When you turn them over and shine some light into the dark places. <br />
<br />
They cool. They dissolve. They may not go away entirely but they'll become a shadow of their former, destructive selves.<br />
<br />
It's not stuffing your feelings down and it's not just being resolute and self-defended. It's allowing yourself to fully feel everything, then examine it and determine the more deep and resounding truths hidden there. The truths about yourself, your tendencies, your hurts and your challenges. <br />
<br />
At the end of the day we all want to be happier, and not allowing conflict to get you upset or riled up will inevitably lead to more peace and joy.<br />
<br />
So this is why I now say I love conflict. Not is a sadistic, argumentative way. In an <i>experimental </i>way. <br />
<br />
I watch debates, listen to political leaders and discuss hot topics in a whole new way now. I am interested and intrigued to see the feelings and reactions that arise. I examine them, pick them apart and validate them when appropriate. <br />
<br />
And then I let them go.<br />
<br />
Sometimes it's great. Sometimes it's a disaster. But either way, I am far less a victim of these situations and my own emotions than I once was. <br />
<br />
I haven't yet mastered this art of reflection and leaning in when it comes to things closer to home. I am still extremely defensive when my feelings are hurt and I remain angry and disgusted when I encounter passive-aggression. But it's getting better.<br />
<br />
It takes courage and commitment to resist our primal, knee-jerk reactions to conflict. I think it's something we'll work on for the entirety of our lives. It's a commitment I'm willing to make because I think we live in a world full of dangerous and damaging conflict. Folks are searching and yearning for kindness, compassion and understanding. And we can't give out what we don't have. <br />
<br />
Love and blessings to you in your own experimental lives. May you face your conflicts with a deeper understanding and more productive reflection. <br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Bravely forth my heroic friends, </span><br />
<br />
Jac :)<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17422830983627984915noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2563601936723844596.post-45334603077219728182016-03-23T15:40:00.003-07:002016-03-23T15:41:52.262-07:00The Secret Life of a Creative Junkie.Confession time friends.<br />
<br />
I have a problem. And like any true addict I took a long time to even recognize that what I had was a problem.<br />
<br />
I mean, being creative is a good thing, right?<br />
<br />
Producing things, making things, orchestrating things. Seems like a stretch to think of these things as anything but valuable.<br />
<br />
Those of you who might actually agree (with my facetious banter) are likely those who also believe that "good is good enough" or rarely get overly stressed about what you produce, how much you produce and when it is produced by.<br />
<br />
The other folks ... the ones who totally get <i>exactly </i>how these things might create a problem ... you are most likely in some of the same categories that I am.<br />
<br />
Helper. Perfectionist. People-pleaser. Workaholic. The tormented artist. Entrepreneurs.<br />
<br />
If you fall under any of these labels you most likely place some of your worth and value in what you create. <br />
<br />
Now hear me clearly here. "Create" does not just refer to art or poetry or books or things of that nature. You might create a business plan. Create a soccer team or a mom's book club. You might create amazing landscaping or gardens. You might create a comfortable, well-decorated home and great kids. You might create wonderful coaching, accounting or home decorating services.<br />
<br />
Anything that involves using your mind to come up with new ideas, original developments or unique services falls under the banner of "creativity".<br />
<br />
And these "creations", by the time they make it out for public consumption can feel as much a part of our "self" as our beating heart.<br />
<br />
So now let me ask you something.<br />
<br />
How would you feel if I told you to stop? Stop making. Stop producing. Stop creating.<br />
<br />
Not indefinitely. Maybe not for any longer than a day (or <i>gasp</i>, 3 days).<br />
<br />
Let me tell you how this makes me feel. <br />
<br />
<i>Like s#$%. </i>Honestly, I feel like crap and I start to feel the immediate buzz of anxiety and panic.<br />
<br />
I start having thoughts like,<br />
<br />
<i>Well who will do it if I don't? What if I miss out on a great idea or opportunity and someone else takes it? What if I lose clients or my family is mad or the world stops turning on its proper rotation?</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
Okay I'm getting carried away, but I do that.<br />
<br />
For me, new ideas, new creations and thoughts of growth, change and new endeavors are like a drug. When I'm feeling down, I just pick up a book about new business ideas or how to build a better website and pretty soon I'm humming.<br />
<br />
I love to serve. I love bringing joy, value and worth into people's lives, and I think that is a noble thing. The problem arises when what comes <i>from </i>me becomes more important than what is <i>within me. </i><br />
<i><br /></i>
Here arises the deadly world of scarcity or "never enough". The same "never enough" that any addict becomes all too familiar with. <i> Never enough money, drugs, alcohol, sex, work, time, art produced, blog posts, clean floors, etc.</i><br />
<br />
The addiction to "producing" can be just as exhausting, health depleting and damaging as any of the more high profile addictions. Families are torn apart by exhausted workaholics, over-stressed moms who both work and parent full time and artists who swear that the next piece (book, blog, painting, movie, etc) will be the big one, but once produced it just isn't quite <i>enough</i>.<br />
<br />
Want to know the secret? It won't be enough. EVER. The world will never stop consuming what you have to give them. <br />
<br />
And that is a good thing, if you recognize it.<br />
<br />
The fact that you have something to give that the world needs is truly a mark of beautiful synergy and symbiosis. You need to create. The world needs to consume. <br />
<br />
You need to clean. Your family and friends need a clean house.<br />
<br />
You need to write and people need to read.<br />
<br />
You need to make shoes and those gosh darn little babies just keep on coming out with feet.<br />
<br />
This swirling cycle of need and production are really good things.<br />
<br />
<i>As long as you don't get drowned in the current. </i><br />
<i>As long as you remember that you ARE NOT WHAT YOU CREATE.</i><br />
<i>As long as you remember that if you didn't create or produce one more thing ever for the rest of your human life, you STILL HAVE WORTH AND VALUE.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
Seems simple. <br />
<i><br /></i>
Isn't.<br />
<i><br /></i>
We get so tied up in believing that in order to be of any worth to anyone, to keep everyone happy and to thus ensure that we are "good" we must continue to produce something that will maintain their satisfaction and allegiance. <i> </i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>But this is the beautiful and mysterious truth ...</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
What you create and produce, once it leaves your mouth, your mind, your desk or your fingertips, is NO LONGER YOU. It might have been part of you once. In your mind, your dreams, your psyche. <br />
But now that you have created it or produced it, you have done your part.<br />
<br />
Your job is done. <br />
<br />
Let it go. Your work is done. <br />
<br />
The reason the creative junkie feels the need to keep feeding the beast and running themselves to the depths of exertion and exhaustion is because they spend far too long over-analyzing what they've already created.<br />
<br />
<i>It was okay, but not quite there.</i><br />
<i>That was a good effort, but I could do better. </i><br />
<i>That meal was nice but tomorrow I will really wow them! </i><br />
<i>That art was junk ... I need to start again.</i><br />
<i>This next business opportunity, it will make up for that last fail.</i><br />
<i>That session was pretty productive, but if I'd only said ....</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
You see where I'm going. <br />
<br />
What if we decided it is our job to produce or create something, the best something that we can possibly muster up at the moment, and to put it out into the world. Then our job is to step back. Hand it off and walk away. Deliver the lesson, and then put down the plans. Start the business and then let it run. Make the art and then turn away and let the art now do it's job.<br />
<br />
Detach. Smile and breathe a sigh of contentment and relief.<br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>A job well done. Or a job done shitty. It doesn't matter because I tried my best and now it's done.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
I cannot tell you how much my life changed when I read <a href="http://www.elizabethgilbert.com/" target="_blank">Elizabeth Gilbert</a>'s book Big Magic, and this quote in particular ...<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; line-height: 21px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>“Recognizing that people's reactions don't belong to you is the only sane way to create. If people enjoy what you've created, terrific. If people ignore what you've created, too bad. If people misunderstand what you've created, don't sweat it. And what if people absolutely hate what you've created? What if people attack you with savage vitriol, and insult your intelligence, and malign your motives, and drag your good name through the mud? Just smile sweetly and suggest - as politely as you possibly can - that they go make their own fucking art. Then stubbornly continue making yours.” </i></span></span><br />
<br />
<br />
I love this so much because it means that it no longer matters if my house is <i>clean enough, </i>my blog is <i>popular enough</i> or my business gets enough <i>likes. </i>I mean, obviously I want to make a living and a good life, but as a responsible human being I can find many ways to make that happen.<br />
<br />
Do you know how I am going to<b> make certain that I sabotage myself</b> from creating that good life?<br />
<br />
By running myself into the ground with attempts to please the masses, perfect the imperfectible or keep up with the Jones'. By beating myself up constantly for not being good enough, thin enough, "mom"enough, successful enough or productive enough. By trying to get my next "fix" of accolades or recognition through yet another accomplishment or creation.<br />
<br />
I can create. Heck, I can create an amazing home, a successful business, fantastic kids, art, books or whatever my heart desires. And I can create a lot of it ... As long as the need for some sort of response to my creation doesn't start to own me, or define me, or destroy me.<br />
<br />
As long as I could stop and any time and <i>I would still survive, even thrive, without creating any more. </i><br />
<i><br /></i>
If you're anything like me, this is a bit of a scary proposition, but a necessary reflection. If you want to find peace, satisfaction or any semblance of rest in your life you will have to find the courage to detach yourself from your productivity. You will have to be able to to define yourself outside of your creations. You will need to base your worth and value on something else. On you.<br />
<br />
It's tough to kick the habit, but let me tell you it's life changing. And totally worth it. <br />
<br />
Because you are worth it. <br />
<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Bravely Forth my fellow junkies, </span><br />
<br />
Jac :)<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17422830983627984915noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2563601936723844596.post-14258633624557097772016-03-21T08:13:00.000-07:002016-03-21T08:14:16.545-07:00The Feedback Filter ... Who Makes the Cut?Any self-development, business or leadership content you read these days suggest you get feedback from your target audience. <br />
<br />
Last blog I talked about having <a href="http://www.alifeunveiled.blogspot.ca/2016/03/conversations-we-cant-afford-to-miss.html" target="_blank">conversations that matter</a> and speaking into each other's lives. <br />
<br />
But when I reflected more on the idea of just having more conversations (without boundaries), I realized that lately I don't take feedback from everyone on every topic. Sure there are some things that I will open up for more public debate (you know, new wall color or flooring, fencing options for our new dog pen, new vehicle purchases) but there are somethings I will <i>NOT </i>accept input on from just anyone.<br />
<br />
Why the censoring?<br />
<br />
We live in a culture that has learned to embrace failure, almost as a trendy necessity to success. I mean, who doesn't love a great "rise from the ashes" story to pump you up for your next big endeavor. There are even failure conventions. REALLY.<br />
<br />
I have some failures already in my pocket, and being the creative and curiosity-driven kind of adventurer that I am, I know I will have more. I have some very trusted friends, family and advisers who I will share these moments of struggle, strife and personal development with.<br />
<br />
<b><i>But they have to make it through the "Feedback Filter".</i></b><br />
<b><i><br /></i></b>
This is a short and intuitive process I've developed (in my head) to determine whether someone is safe to let into the personal feedback zone.<br />
<br />
I naturally struggle with criticism and critique. I far prefer to be awesome right out of the gates ... study and perfect to nauseum before presenting or launching anything. But this isn't always possible (or practical or smart). So we turn out things that are a work-in-progress.<br />
<br />
Heck <i>I myself am a work in progress. </i>And I always will be.<br />
<br />
So when I'm looking for feedback on something I've done, a new skill I've picked up, my attitudes, approaches and behaviors and whether or not they will support or inhibit my goals, I look for a little feedback. I am very careful though about those from whom I will elicit this commentary.<br />
<br />
The 'feedback filter' serves to tell me many things about a potential candidate's worthiness to speak into the most vulnerable part of my life. The vital component and question regarding said candidate's requirements ...<br />
<br />
<b><i>Are you out there getting your ass kicked? Or have you recently? </i></b><br />
<br />
No I'm not just a jerk who wants to see others get knocked down.<br />
<br />
I do want to ensure that those who are sharing their insights into my own struggles, failures and shortcomings are other people who are also out there <i>trying. </i><br />
<i><br /></i>
In her book <a href="https://www.amazon.ca/Rising-Strong-Bren%C3%A9-Brown/dp/0812995821" target="_blank">Rising Strong</a>, Brene Brown (yes I love her, as you can now likely tell!) advises:<br />
<br />
<i>"We need to be selective about the feedback we let into our lives. For me, if you're not in the arena getting your ass kicked, I'm not interested in your feedback."</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
I've developed kind of a mental list of people I admire, respect and trust because they are the people who <i>know what its like to be there. </i>In that place where you are taking extraordinary risk (maybe psychologically, emotionally, financially) to reach a crazy goal you are passionate about.<br />
<br />
Maybe you are launching a new idea or changing careers. You could be deciding to do something completely different than your family, friends or colleagues expect of you.<br />
<br />
In these vulnerable, exciting, terrifying and wonderful adventures we need to solicit feedback from people who are (or have recently been) in the same kinds of situations. People who are moving bravely toward their own goals, failing and getting back up. (Note: If they moved toward a brave goal 25 years ago, failed and never tried again, I might not include them my list of candidates.)<br />
<br />
If I am wondering if I have what it takes to start up with my new idea, if I am looking for some assessment (honestly and openly) about my strengths and weaknesses, or if I'm just looking for someone to bounce ideas off of, I have a fairly short list of people I consult.<br />
<br />
A handful really. Depending on the specific arena I'm entering ...2, maybe 5 people.<br />
<br />
And here's the touchy part (I'm wincing one eye as I write this). <br />
<br />
<b><i>It might not be who YOU want it to be. </i></b><br />
<b><i><br /></i></b>
It may not be your spouse, sibling, best friend or parent. These people LOVE you. So much. <br />
<br />
They may not be able to honestly reflect on your character strengths and weaknesses for fear of hurting or upsetting you. Or you may be unable to process their feedback without overloading it with innuendo, unspoken assumptions or baggage. You may just read way too much into it.<br />
<br />
You also have to consider that they might not be willing to see you fail at all. They may try to thwart your efforts or sabotage your plans in an effort to save you from hurt. <br />
<br />
Of course, if you are a brave and relentless warrior for change their attempts to stop you may be more painful than the failure would have ever been. <br />
<br />
But that IS NOT their intent. <br />
<br />
Or maybe they've never taken any risks. Maybe they have personalities that reside in the "always play-it-safe" category. Maybe they are not big on self-reflection in their own lives. <br />
<br />
You need people on your feedback "safe" list who are open, honest and vulnerable themselves and have their own story of bravery and heartbreak to share. If you choose to share with people you love and they do not have these pre-requisites you will end up resenting them or their feedback.<br />
<br />
There will be times, if you are truly moving towards growth and peace that you will need some reflection from others. Honest, raw, authentic and truthful feedback. And you will need skills in vulnerability, self-compassion and courage in order to take it and make it into something productive. Just make sure that those who you request feedback of (or those who you allow to voluntarily thrust it upon you) are others in the same boat.<br />
<br />
Once you are super comfortable receiving feedback openly and vulnerably and assessing it with clarity, calmness and authenticity, then you may try widening your circle. <br />
<br />
But this takes immense strength and preparation. You will know when you are ready because it will be far more exciting and helpful than it is terrifying or painful. <br />
<br />
<i>It will be worth it. </i><br />
<i><br /></i>
We live, grow and develop in community. Feedback is an essential part of this. So ensure that yours (both that which you receive and that which you give) is meaningful, loving and honest.<br />
<br />
It will push you forward to new levels you never imagined.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Bravely forth in this my friends,</span><br />
<br />
Jac :)<br />
<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17422830983627984915noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2563601936723844596.post-45478642640785430862016-03-20T06:41:00.003-07:002016-03-20T08:15:36.278-07:00Conversations We Can't Afford to MissI was inspired yesterday by a group of women who I am beyond proud to know.<br />
<br />
I coach a horse riding team of young girls (aged 11-28 or so and their families). I have known them all for different lengths of time. Two years, six years, ten years. I've also gotten to know their families and their struggles. <br />
<br />
And they know mine.<br />
<br />
Watching them grow and become women has been such an honor and has been truly awesome. Yesterday morning a few of us got chatting. One of the gals began sharing about a speaker she had recently seen who talked about mental health, success, and expectations especially when you have baggage or a rough family history (which I'm pretty sure most people do to some extent).<br />
<br />
It ended up unfolding into a few hours of conversation about how life as a teenager is hard. Some of the moms were there and we talked about how life as a mom is hard. We shared stories, advice and the things we've learned so far in this life. And we laughed a lot about how we all seem to face the same struggles (dark, raw and real struggles).<br />
<br />
We talked a lot about how we don't talk enough. Why, when these are the things that matter, do we keep so quiet?<br />
<br />
Depression, anxiety and many other resulting health issues are rampant today. We live in a society that tells you that you can <i>have it all. </i> And so we push and grind and try to get it, and when we don't we wonder what is wrong with us.<br />
<br />
And there is further confusion because after all, <i>how dare we feel so bad when we have so much? </i>So much more than most of the world in fact. And yet it never seems we are (or we have) enough.<br />
<br />
Never enough time. Money. Talent. Patience. Skills. Awards. Success. Achievements. Likes and shares. Retweets.<br />
<br />
The attitude of <i>scarcity</i> (or "never enough") runs in direct contrast to a culture where we have more than we could ever use or need. Still we struggle, strive and generally feel very alone.<br />
<br />
And yet, in the midst of this, here is this group of women <i>leaning in</i>. Talking about the tough spots. The things we all think about and yet never really put out in the open.<br />
<br />
Depression. Conflict. Addiction. Coping. Suicide. And <i>real </i>success. <br />
<br />
I am overwhelmed with how blessed I am to have these people in my life.<br />
<br />
One of the gals made a comment about how she wishes she had a bigger platform. She questioned how a person could get a springboard to help more people and get more of these issues out in the open.<br />
<br />
Here's the thing. We already have one.<br />
<br />
I have very little doubt that any of the group of us who stood talking yesterday went home and forgot about the conversation. And once you've put it out there once, you'll be far more likely to do it again. We all had a little more <i>brave </i>in our step, I'd say.<br />
<br />
We have to stick together. Be on the same team. Disregard who might "over hear" and who might judge. The cool thing is, we all struggle.<br />
<br />
Standing there saying "Being a mom is so hard. Harder than anything I've ever done. And not always hard in a good way. Sometimes it feels so brutal, unfair and like it's too much to handle" and hearing another mom say, "I totally know what you mean. We do give up a lot".<br />
<br />
And then hearing her teenage daughter talk about her own struggles.<br />
<br />
Laughing, sharing, contemplating, reflecting. Leaning in. Not running away, making uncomfortable attempts to escape the conversation or change the subject. <br />
<br />
And the moral of the story? We are enough. Each one of us, with all our flaws and struggles and stories. We belong here. <br />
<br />
<b><i>But we need to tell each other that.</i></b><br />
<br />
This is what it's going to take to raise up a brave new generation. And to keep us who are already into crazy, busy and complicated lives moving forward with courage, empathy, authenticity and humanity.<br />
<br />
We have a platform.<br />
<br />
It's all around us. We just have to be courageous enough to use it.<br />
<br />
I'm so thankful that yesterday someone shared. We all walked away a little lighter because of it. And what a gift that truly is in what sometimes seems like a heavy, dark world. <br />
<br />
You are all so amazing. And loved. And enough.<br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Bravely forth my friends, </span><br />
<br />
Jac :)<br />
<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17422830983627984915noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2563601936723844596.post-69333701116811428922016-03-19T07:34:00.000-07:002016-03-20T06:12:44.216-07:00Assume GenerouslyWhy are we so mean to each other?<br />
<br />
Do I sound like a 12 year old girl lamenting about trouble at school? Probably.<br />
<br />
Sometimes life as a 33 year old wife, mom and business owner doesn't feel any less tumultuous than it did in junior high. Let's be straight up here ... we spend tons of time trying to fit in and be "cool" or keep up. We want to create marriages, families and careers that get enough "likes". After all, we have to live up to a ton of expectations (both our own and those set by the Pinterest gods).<br />
<br />
And we're still so damn mean to each other. <br />
<br />
I don't want to oversimplify here or imply that I'm ignorant of life's intricate complexities. People have unbelievable stories and hurts and challenges, but I think the reason is related directly to these stories.<br />
<br />
When I say harsh I don't necessarily mean something as obvious as laying a smack down on your neighbor for parking in your spot or delivering a knuckle sandwich to the lady who buds you in line. (Yes I used the phrase "knuckle sandwich" ... this explains a lot about my struggle with being cool). It's way more unsuspecting than that.<br />
<br />
It's sideways glances, snide comments, and rude conversations about people we don't know. It's passive aggressive notes at work aimed at "the person who..." when we know full well who we are targeting. It's the viral photo of the mom on her phone at the park. HOW DARE SHE miss one moment of her child's growing life to breathe and find her sanity (even if that constitutes answering an email, reading an article or browsing Facebook?).<br />
<br />
It's the conclusions that we leap to so eagerly and fiercely when they are about someone else and yet snap when these same rash judgments are applied to ourselves. And don't even get me going on Internet trolling or forum banter. It's disgusting. Like, I vomit-in-my-mouth-a-bit kind of disgusting (am I being completely clear that I despise Internet comment/forum fights?).<br />
<br />
I'm no saint. I've done all of these things (even the nasty Internet squabbles ... I get drawn in too which is why I dislike them so much).<br />
<br />
And I know exactly why I get reeled into these things.<br />
<br />
I am shitty with my assumptions.<br />
<br />
Stingy. Narrow. Shallow. Frugal. Judgmental. Mean.<br />
<br />
Just shitty.<br />
<br />
When I see or hear or encounter someone else, especially when they confront, disagree or offend me, I'm quick to defend myself, usually by knocking them down a rung or two (at least in my mind). I start the story in my head immediately...<br />
<br />
<i>"Who the hell does she think she is? That's totally not fair, after all I've done for them. How dare they take advantage of me? Say that? Treat me so poorly? How dare they snap at me that way?"</i><br />
<br />
But here's the fascinating thing ... What is the story in my head when I am the one who is snappy with the lady at the counter?<br />
<br />
<i>Well she just doesn't understand what kind of a day I've had. She doesn't know what it takes to be in my shoes.</i><br />
<br />
Of course I have a list.<br />
<br />
You know, <i>the list. </i> We all have one. It's the one we play over and over in our heads. It's our defenses, justifications and reasons. The things we throw at people when they dare confront us about our behaviors or actions.<br />
<br />
I think we've all had times when we wish we could carry around this list and hand out to people when we aren't acting our best (and feel the need to justify it).<br />
<br />
For instance, I forget to respond to messages ...a lot. I try my best I really do but life moves quickly and I have a hard time keeping up. I don't generally enjoy correction or criticism about it. I immediately want to explain.<br />
<br />
Or occasionally (most of the time) I am late (and don't be fooled, I HATE being late).<br />
<br />
These are times I often pull out my list.<br />
<br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>My life is crazy.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>I have four kids. I home school because the school system failed us and it was our last ditch effort to keep our son off meds and enjoying school. He really is so talented. Homeschooling makes our life so nuts!</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>I also have to make a full time income on the "side" of raising my kids with my small business teaching riding and training horses . So I try to squish 8 hours of work a day into 3 hours in the evening (many of which I have to bring the kids along if Brendan is working late or has other commitments).</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>Between cleaning, cooking (which I suck at and loathe), laundry and basically 2 full time jobs I often feel entitled to the occasional lapse in manners or judgement...</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i><br /></i>
Depending on how defensive I feel this could go on for a long, long time ...<br />
<br />
I think the fact that I have a list is fairly normal. This is my story. My narrative. And how I deal with, prioritize and justify my list isn't actually what I think the problem is.<br />
<br />
The problem is how I deal with <i>YOUR LIST. </i><br />
<br />
How do I react to the lists of <i>others</i>?<br />
<br />
Am I understanding, open and empathetic? Or knee-jerk, short-tempered, narrow-minded and opinionated?<br />
<br />
Here's a question ...<br />
<br />
<i>How would the world look if we all treated other peoples' lists as important, legitimate and valuable as our own. What if we gave other people's stories as much thought, credence and validation as our own? </i><br />
<br />
In her writing, <a href="http://www.brenebrown.com/" target="_blank">Brene Brown</a> talks a lot about "generous assumptions" and it has been really transformative for me. She is faced with (and poses to her readers) the simple question,<br />
<br />
<i><b>Are people really doing the best they can?</b></i><br />
<br />
The wise and kind of the world generally answer, YES.<br />
<br />
Think about the implications of this suggestion. Everyone (like, EVERYONE YOU MEET) is <i>DOING THE BEST THEY CAN.</i><br />
<br />
What would this mean in our everyday lives?<br />
<br />
Well, it means that when you encounter someone who offends you or rubs you the wrong way, you would consider the most generous, wide-thinking and kind thing you could muster in order to explain their behavior. <br />
<br />
You need to consider <i>their </i>list. Think about it, and then validate it in your mind. Give it credit. Allow their story to become as important to you as your own (or at the very least someone you love deeply and unconditionally). You could even try a little experiment and defend it.<br />
<br />
You don't need to know the actually story, or the person's actual list (although you'd be surprised what happens when you take the time to listen). It might be as simple as:<br />
<br />
<i>"Maybe that mom on her phone has been tirelessly tending to her kids all week and this is her first moment to herself in days?" </i>or<br />
<i>"That man driving too fast or cutting me off in traffic could be on the way to see his wife give birth."</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
Or it might even (more honestly) look like,<br />
<br />
"<i>That person looks distracted. Maybe they are losing their job. Maybe their child just failed a test, or they got a bad health diagnosis." </i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>What comes across as inconsiderate and rude might just be that person coping.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
This becomes insanely challenging when it comes to things closer to your heart or of more consequence. A cheating spouse. An angry boss. An unfaithful friend. A bully (and believe me, adults can be bullies too). A thief or offender who has stolen, hurt or even killed someone you love. You may need some professional assistance in order to make generous assumptions in some of these cases. It may take a lot of time.<br />
<br />
But here's the thing. Those people have lists. Reasons. (Unless they are a clinically diagnosed<br />
sociopath, which although we may joke, is a very serious condition wherein someone does not have any remorse or conscience or empathy for the consequences of their actions. The majority of people you will meet are likely not sociopaths, despite your initial assessment).<br />
<i><br /></i>
Here is my question ... what could it hurt?<br />
<br />
Would it really make your life <i>worse</i> to make generous assumptions about other people's lives, problems, effort, and actions?<br />
<br />
Think about a time when you behaved your WORST. <br />
<br />
You could probably come up with a justification or defense for your behavior. You may regret doing it. You may be in complete remorse for it. But you still had a reason.<br />
<br />
And the only way you are going to get beyond the incident, behavior or attitude is by acknowledging it as being "the best you could do" at the time. And then, as they say, once you know better you can do better. <br />
<br />
<b><i>We have to be kinder to ourselves first. Then we need to extend this gentleness and understanding out to others.</i></b><br />
<br />
We are mean to each other because we want to defend our <i>own </i>list of justifications for our role, actions and attitudes, while at the same time invalidating the other person's.<br />
<br />
Living a brave and authentic life (which I think translates into a more peaceful, joyful and satisfying life) means breathing deeply and allowing ourselves to reflect on the position of the <i>other</i> before jumping to defend <i>ourselves. </i><br />
<i><br /></i>
When we do this, we truly experience empathy and we find even more growth and peace in our own lives as we consider ourselves through the lens of the other. We see ourselves how <i>they </i>might see us then we can then decide if we like what we see (not in a self-defensive way, but with honesty, vulnerability and openness). <br />
<br />
When we are open to another's story, their narrative and the possibility that they are doing the best they can we allow ourselves to enter deeper reflection, understanding and relationship, and we can often elicit less hostility back. <br />
<br />
Even if not, it won't matter. We won't feel nearly as attacked and we certainly won't be as inclined to counter attack.<br />
<br />
And when we have tools to stop these attacks (even if only from our end), that my friends is when we stop being so mean.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Bravely forth in all you do, </span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Jac</span></i> </span><br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17422830983627984915noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2563601936723844596.post-58852342322090816532016-02-17T14:34:00.000-08:002017-10-10T12:51:24.772-07:00Nothing subtracts.So its been a while. And although I have deep and life-altering things brewing this was just a quick one-off idea that I had yesterday and wanted to share.<br />
<br />
I was listening to one of my favorite podcasts called the Robcast by <a href="http://robbell.com/" target="_blank">Rob Bell</a>. If you haven't heard of him and you're a big fan of living an awesome life and becoming a more fantastic human being, you must listen to him. He's brilliant and open and loving and charismatic and cool and calm and truly embodies everything I believe a Christian should be. If you aren't of any faith you may be surprised at how his Christianity weaves into his brilliant reflections. If you are extremely religious and traditional or conservative in your Christian beliefs, well, I'll leave it up to you. But don't hate on him. Or on me, for thinking he's super.<br />
<br />
Sorry I digress.<br />
<br />
Anyways, he just did a podcast called "Empty Seats and Elephants" wherein he talks about some of his struggles in following his spirit and his passion. He was pastoring a church and left to do some wonderful things but some folks viewed them as radical, heretical and wrong. So after already having a successful ministry and speaking background he set out on this new path only to arrive at venues of 50-100 people. Not bad you might think. Except he'd visited these venues before with 1500-2000 people awaiting him. But some of his new stuff was, well, new. Apparently more controversial. It ruffled feathers and it wasn't what his followers <i>expected</i> of him.<br />
<br />
Empty seats.<br />
<br />
Man it took my breath away when I heard him share about this. I know what it's like to have empty seats. To have amazing ideas that you are sure are divinely inspired. To put conviction, hard work and hours of creative thinking, toiling and practicing into these ideas. <br />
<br />
Then nothing. Empty seats. Vacancies. Voids. Empty stalls.<br />
<br />
Please let me stop here because of course not <i>ALL </i>the<i> </i>seats are empty, and I would never want to disregard or devalue the folks in those few full seats. They are supportive. They are keen. They are amazing souls with their own stories, journeys, passions and missions. Don't we always say that <i>if we made a difference to just one person it would be worth it</i>?<br />
<br />
But those empty seats haunt us. <br />
<br />
And it's not always just the empty seats themselves. It's analyzing <i>why </i>they are empty.<br />
<br />
It's resistance, criticism and slander. It's the talk from the sidelines, from the armchairs, from those outside of the "arena". It's folks from our past who have certain expectations, and those who are threatened by new and radical thinking, or by success.<br />
<br />
These things can slow us down, make us stumble and sometimes even lead to turning from our dreams and passions.<br />
<br />
Then I had a thought.<br />
<br />
<i>What if they didn't.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
Or maybe better stated, <i>What if we didn't let them?</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>What if we let <b>nothing subtract</b>?</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
How would it look if we took every obstacle, every failure, every hurt and every discouragement and decided to make it part of our story? What if we decided that each of these empty seats was perfectly as it should be?<br />
<br />
What if we didn't let any of these "icky" things subtract from our mission or distract us from our goals? What kind of people would we be if we ignored those 1950 empty seats and just kept on preaching to the 50 who were there?<br />
<br />
I can tell you exactly what kind of people we'd be.<br />
<br />
We'd be Rob Bell kind of people. People who <i>know </i>beyond a shadow of a doubt that they have something to share with the world and they are not willing to get knocked down so hard they lose their voice. We'd be vulnerable and open and honest but we'd also be tough as nails. <br />
<br />
We'd have the wisdom and fortitude of so many of the people I've come to love and admire like Elizabeth Gilbert, Brene Brown, Gretchen Rubin, Richard Rohr, Dave Ramsey and many, many more. <br />
<br />
I bet each these people had some empty seats. Some critics. Some fall-flat-on-your-face-in-the-mud-in-front-of-everyone moments.<br />
<br />
In fact, <i>I know they did. </i><br />
<br />
These folks and many, many more all share stories of failure, heartbreak and certain destruction of life as they knew it. But they didn't let it stop them. They didn't let it <i>steal from them. </i>For these folks, nothing subtracts. It all adds. To the story, to the strength, to the mission. <br />
<br />
We will all feel times of anger, discouragement and bitterness. Times when everything in us will want to sit down and become an arm-chair critic ourselves. But we must stay in the ring. We must stay in the game. We <i>MUST </i>not let these things take away from us.<br />
<br />
We must not let them make us <i>less.</i><br />
<br />
Use them. Mold them. Drink a beer and have a laugh at them if nothing else. <br />
<br />
But keep moving. Keep dreaming. Someone needs to learn from you, hear your story, feel your love.<br />
<br />
If we are daringly creative we can use our entire journey, good, bad or ugly, as part of our story. It all adds something. Some element of humanity, honesty, and accessibility. It all becomes good. It all becomes worthy.<br />
<br />
<i>And nothing subtracts.</i><br />
<br />
<br />
<i><br /></i>
<i><br /></i>
<i><br /></i>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17422830983627984915noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2563601936723844596.post-22174905373240072712015-11-12T11:03:00.000-08:002015-11-12T16:48:29.954-08:00Convicted or Condemned? Take a Look at Your Leaders.I have not always attended church. I did not always know God the way I know Him today, and for this new-found relationship I am eternally thankful. <br />
<br />
What if I told you that God is the perfect leader? You may (as I did) question this because of things you've heard or misconceptions you have. If you get to know him and study him though, you will realize the only misconception is in the judgement and assessment of his character. This is a debate for another day though.<br />
<br />
Let us move forward with the understanding that God is, by definition, good and loving.<br />
<br />
In fact if we study his character we will find him not only good and loving, but supportive, comforting, healing, wise and ... convicting.<br />
<br />
Those things all sound amazing. Except the last one. It sounds kind of icky.<br />
<br />
Here's a secret I've learned though. We only shudder at the thought of conviction when we get it confused with condemnation. A lot of people get these two concepts confused. Especially those who are leaders. A lot of churches do too.<br />
<br />
So what is the difference and does it really matter?<br />
<br />
I have come to believe it matters unbelievably much, because the effects of each are the polar opposite.<br />
<br />
Conviction rouses something deep in your soul. It speaks to the spirit part of you ... confirming something that (most times) seems right and aligned with the better life that we are all seeking. When you experience "conviction", the one administering it seems righteous and caring. They seem invested, like a team-mate cheering you on (often because they have been there themselves). An issue is brought forth (either by your subconscious, something you've read, or another person) and you realize you need to set your sails for different shores. Maybe its a small change, maybe its life-altering. Either way, even if you aren't able to immediately admit or recognize it, something in you resonates that this is for your greater good.<br />
<br />
When someone you look to for guidance is trying to convict you, but instead condemns you (or they just outright condemn you, but usually this person would not be someone we would label as a leader ... more an enemy), we feel crushed. Condemnation isn't inspiring. It isn't motivating to make change. <br />
<br />
It's paralyzing. <br />
<br />
It squashes and deflates any sense of hope or empowerment. It is isolating and judgmental. It might call itself loving but it feels cold and heartless. It is passive-aggressiveness trying to disguise itself as a leader.<br />
<br />
I believe condemnation comes from a selfish need to be right, or maintain power or position. It is like a dominant and aggressive bully, flexing its muscles at the first signs of liberation or independence.<br />
<br />
Conviction comes as a sincere gesture or plea to grab the rope, and pull one's self out of the pit (or let yourself be pulled out by someone stronger and wiser than you). It is collaborative, empathetic and fearless. When you are convicted of something, a small (or sometimes very large) spark ignites in your heart and soul. It may be painful, ugly, and even unsolicited, but conviction always comes with love. It always comes from some sense of camaraderie. <i>I have been where you are, and I want to sit with you a moment and share my story. I want to help. It may take tough love, but we'll do this together. </i><br />
<i><br /></i>
It's interesting because it was church that got me thinking about the difference between conviction and condemnation. Why is it that some churches (and ministers, priests or pastors) are so inspirational, while some are so pious, disparaging, and depressing? I believe it lies in the differences above. Its all in their attitude.<br />
<br />
But its not just people in ministry.<br />
<br />
It's coaches, bosses, parents, teachers and leaders in general. The great ones don't avoid delivering lessons and corrections. They don't passively sit by and watch us spiral into our own pit of despair and bad choices. <br />
<br />
They convict.<br />
<br />
They take our hands, free of judgement, blame or criticism and they shine a light on our shortcomings and failures. They look lovingly into our eyes and tell us we are destined for so much more, but not on the path we are on. They are somehow able to convey their message of the desperate need for change without crushing our spirits or breaking us completely.<br />
<br />
But it must all be preceded by love. An intent to convict must ALWAYS be accompanied by a deep and unconditional love for that person, their humanity and their right to choose their own journey.<br />
<br />
And this love can only be given if it is received. <br />
<br />
So be patient when you meet someone who tries to lead you by condemnation. Understand that this is likely how they were raised and guided.<br />
<br />
Be understanding, but don't allow yourself to be bullied for too long. You may need to venture out and find new leaders, new guides, new wisdom. <br />
<br />
Life and transformation isn't always fun and its definitely not pain-free, but a great leader will inspire you to endure the transition anyways.<br />
<br />
With much, much love.<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17422830983627984915noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2563601936723844596.post-4578338495878476202015-08-31T13:51:00.001-07:002015-08-31T13:51:20.589-07:00A Monkey and a Coconut and Why I Don't Deserve Everything I Want. There's a story out there that says all you need to catch a monkey is a coconut and a handful of peanuts. As the tale goes, you hollow out the end of that coconut (just big enough for the monkey to squish his little hand through) then pour in the peanuts. Then you attach a rope through the cocount, hide and wait. That silly monkey will stick his hand in, grab the peanuts and hold on tight. So tight in fact that he won't let go ... but his fist won't fit out with all those peanuts. So, you reel him in, peanuts and all. Monkey capture successful.<br />
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I bet that monkey felt like he really deserved those peanuts. <br />
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Here's my confession: I'm that monkey.<br />
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When I get an idea of something I want, or something I think I deserve, I get committed. I work hard, I throw myself into it full force and when I do get it ... I HANG ON.<br />
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Even when it's dragging me toward certain disaster. But it was <i>mine. I deserve it.</i><br />
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I deserve that vacation, that car, that home, that farm, that job, that horse, that fancy __(insert anything here that my heart may have desired)____. It doesn't matter what it is, or what it will cost me, if I feel I'm entitled to it, <i>I want it. Now. No matter what that means long term.</i><br />
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Dave Ramsey (financial guru and author of <a href="http://www.amazon.ca/gp/aw/d/1595555277/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1440968577&sr=1-1&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70&keywords=total+money+makeover" target="_blank">The Total Money Makeover</a>) told a story about deserving things that I want to share. (Which I'm quoting from memory).<br />
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<i>There was a single mom, desperately trying to get out of debt and doing well. One day she had a terrible day. Flat tire, late for daycare, late for work, boss was grumpy, late after work... you know the feeling. The kids were so hungry and she was so tired that when they begged her to get McDonalds on the way home she relented, went to the ATM, got $20 and picked up happy meals. After all, she deserved the break. But, because she was on a zero-balance budget every dollar had already been assigned and she bounced 3 checks (which came along with a couple hundred bucks of penalties and fees). Here's what Dave had to say to her:</i><br />
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<i>"Next time you need to just get prepared to be strong. You tell peanut butter breath in the back seat to "Shut Up! 'Cause Momma's taking you home to eat." </i><br />
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<i>Honey, you don't deserve that kind of break."</i><br />
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I don't know why but this <u>really</u> made me think. Did she deserve a break from cooking? Maybe. Did she deserve for life to let up on her a little and make things a little more convenient? Possibly. Was she entitled to all of of this along with a huge bill, feeling of failure and a big inconvenience? Not so cut and dried on this one. And how do we judge what an individual "deserves" anyways?<br />
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Being in a culture of instant gratification I think it is extremely easy get an over-inflated sense of what we deserve. I know we did. We tried to to start our young, married life out where we left off with our parents. Nice home, nice vehicles, nice toys and trips. But our parents didn't start that way. They worked long and hard to get to that point. We just had a lot of debt. We financed our way into a life that we really didn't deserve ... then we got the "bill" and asked what we did to deserve it. And it cost us a lot more than money.<br />
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About a year ago we committed to a big overhaul. Now that we've made some huge life changes (selling the farm we couldn't afford in the first place, cutting up ALL our credit cards, cutting our lifestyle way back, paying down debt, saving for the future and living within our means), when we do get something, it feels like ours and it feels like we <i>indeed deserve it. </i><br />
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Let me tell you though it has been a hard learning curve and a lot of dying to my flesh as Christians would say. There are so many times I feel like I need something so bad, but I just want it, and I don't have the money so I don't get it. I used to make excuses for <i>why </i>I wanted it or deserved it (as though they somehow justified spending other people's money to get it), especially if it was something horse related and I could write it off as a necessary business purchase. Usually it was just something frivolous or prideful. That doesn't fly any more either.<br />
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So now, I run my business as frugally as I can, putting effort into what I can use my time and skills for the most, rather than my money. I do the same with our home and the kids.<br />
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We are not perfect yet, and I still catch myself every once in while with my hand stuck in a coconut but by the grace of God I'm getting better. I'll let most of those peanuts go eventually.<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17422830983627984915noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2563601936723844596.post-33043705429284003912015-06-16T14:44:00.000-07:002015-06-16T14:44:42.019-07:00My God Affair<div dir="ltr">
So obviously by now, unless this is the first encounter you have ever had with my writing and my life, you know I am a Christian. </div>
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You probably know a few more things as well. I have a big family. My faith is important. I go to church. I am occasionally long-winded. </div>
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I like to share, so naturally you may be surprised to find out that I in fact, harbour some secrets. </div>
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When I first became a Christian, Brendan and I were attending the denominational church he grew up in. We had an amazing community and I went through all of the appropriate "stages" that were expected in order to become a member of the church (I wasn't baptized and didn't attend church growing up so I had no previous "affiliation"). Our church family was awesome and supportive and I was often surprised (having grown up fairly anti-organized religion) at how normal, and <em>fantastic</em>, they all were.</div>
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I did everything properly. I learned the prayers. I learned the doctrine (well as much as was practically possible in a short time). I'm typically a keener so I studied a lot. We attended mass regularly and we were very diligent in our "religiosity". Yes that is a word.</div>
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I had a few experiences with God early on while I was teaching in the school (an Alpha course we attended, some youth conferences and concerts) that I would now say were spirit filled, and although I <em>loved </em>them, this was not the norm for our faith. We (as a couple) developed a very normal, predictable, and reasonable Christian routine. It was good. But it wasn't <em>amazing. </em></div>
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Don't get me wrong, God was working some amazing things in our life but there wasn't a fiery passion deep in my soul every day. I was still struggling so much with so many aspects of my life. I wasn't taking any risks with my faith. I certainly wasn't open to a whole lot of God's "supernatural" blessings in my life. This faith atmosphere made up most of the first 8 years of our marriage. </div>
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Then about a year ago something changed. </div>
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I met God in a new way. </div>
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Our life has been SO busy the last few years (check out the last few posts for details!). So, I started listening to podcasts and audiobooks, anything I could get to download on my phone. I started learning about God in a new way. I came to discover that God is actually ridiculously amazing. From the scientific support for a creator (<a href="http://www.alifeunveiled.blogspot.ca/2015_04_01_archive.html" target="_blank">Smart Men and God</a>) to God's desire to be in my marriage, my parenting, and my business, I learned all sorts of amazing things about His character. I had become a Christian but I had never <em>really</em> committed my life to Christ. </div>
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Slowly though, things began to change. Instead of learning <em>about </em>God (a topic which I have studied in detail), I began to meet God <em>Himself. </em>I began to have a relationship with God that was close and intimate and passionate and tangible. Well, at least a <em>kind </em>of relationship. In fact, when I look at where I am at now, I sometimes feel like its more of an affair. </div>
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I've been having an affair with God. </div>
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Here's the thing. I am <em>CRAZY </em>about Him. I am excited to spend time with Him. I want to know His plans for me, and I want to follow His will to the letter. Doesn't that sound exciting. It is. So why have I kept this such a secret? Why don't I talk about His amazing influence in my life? Why do I avoid the topic with people I love and care about? Why have I treated my relationship with God like some scandalous secret?</div>
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In the new year, we actually made the decision to start attending a new church. We really didn't tell anyone. Its a non-denominational church and it is totally incredible. I understand and appreciate the tradition and the ritual and sacramental faith we have experienced up to now. This is something that will always be rooted deep in my heart. This church is different though and I have found something here SO fulfilling and deepening.<br />
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We worship, we study scripture, we raise our hands in glorious praise to a God who is wholly good and merciful. Our kids attend a Sunday school where they learn about service and God's love. They have a strong and active men's group that meets to go clay pigeon shooting, eat steak, and then sit down and talk about the issues men face in today's world, forming bonds of friendship, mentorship and accountability. They have women's retreats where we share and are nourished with encouragement, love and support in our roles as wives, mothers and business women. It is everything we have been looking for in a church and worship community. And we haven't told anyone. </div>
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At least I certainly don't talk about it. Not with family or friends anyways. We sneak off Sunday morning and then refer to "church" in general terms. I don't mention the changes that have happened in the last year. I don't boast of the miracles and love of God I witness. I don't mention that <em>every</em> decision I make is run past Him and that everything I do, I try to discern what His will is for me. I don't tell people that I think about Him and talk to Him <em>all the time. </em>By my estimation, it sounds like an affair to me. </div>
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If God is so important to me, then why don't I share? This "concealment" of my Christianity isn't new. All the way along I've been selective about who I will get "spiritual" with. Well, I think I'm starting to figure it out.</div>
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Surrender. Sacrifice. Fear. Fear of judgement. Fear of ridicule. Misplaced motives. </div>
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I think these things all sum up why I keep my faith on the down low. I don't want my faith journey to look "different". What if they confront me about it? What if they don't understand? It really comes down to one thing.<br />
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I might be uncomfortable. People might certainly judge me. I want all of the benefits of living in God's kingdom but I don't really want to indicate that I am a "kingdom" person. <br />
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This is a problem though. You see, God tells us to <em>"Seek FIRST the kingdom of God, then all things </em>(i.e.<em> </em>benefits of the kingdom) <em>will be added unto you" </em>(Matthew 6:33)<em>. </em>We don't get the benefits without living the kingdom life. All the time. Everywhere. Publicly. <br />
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In fact, I've come to believe that the <em>ONLY </em>thing in this life that matters or is worth pursuing <em>has to start with seeking God. </em><br />
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In the same way that "earthly" affairs are wrought with deceit and delusion, so are "Godly" affairs. I want all of the blessing of a relationship with God while my conduct reeks of fear of commitment and half-hearted devotion. </div>
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The truth of the matter is I am obsessed. I think of nothing more frequently than I do of God, my relationship with Him and His thoughts and plans for me. <br />
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From my experience, when someone is in a real, functional and long-lasting relationship, they speak incredibly freely of the other person. A relationship is based on trust, admiration, respect, and "relations". It is publicly known that we are "Brendan and Jacquie". In fact, even if you didn't know my husband, if I spoke of "Brendan" you would quickly discern his role in my life. Everyone who knows me knows my connection to him and has a pretty good idea of the nature of our relationship. <br />
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Alternately, an affair is secretive, covert and often consumed in dishonesty. An affair can never reach the same level of comfort, love and developmental depth because so much energy is spent just keeping it under wraps. <br />
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So it is with God. <br />
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If I never have the courage to publicly seek God's kingdom, our relationship will stay superficial. I will never be able to show my true love and devotion to seeking God's plan, and therefore will spiritually stagnate. <br />
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There will be sacrifice, I have no doubt. Remember, <em>I used to judge those who needed God. </em><br />
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When you start a new relationship, not everyone wants to hear endlessly about your "amazing" new boyfriend. Not everyone wants to hear endlessly about God's unbelievable love either. <br />
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I don't care anymore. <br />
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God is so amazing and my life has become SO MUCH BETTER since I have begun this journey that I am willing to risk whatever it takes to show the world that this is no shallow affair. <br />
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I have to be willing to take it public. To raise my arms in worship. To let God's holy name roll off my lips just as easily as would the names of my family and friends. <br />
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I have to stop seeking all the benefits of the relationship and just seek Him. I need to acknowledge His presence, role and relationship in my life in <em>EVERYTHING</em> I think and do. It may take a long time. It may take my whole life. But I have to keep on seeking Him. In private. In public. In everything I do.<br />
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Sure this might not sound as sexy and scandalous as the affair did, but I'm pretty sure what lies ahead will blow everything else out of the water. <br />
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Isn't that right Lord?<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17422830983627984915noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2563601936723844596.post-43503770930878280192015-06-01T15:05:00.002-07:002015-06-01T15:05:36.822-07:00Surrendering, Part 2: Please Place Dreams on the Altar. Results Not Guaranteed.<em>Two and a half years ago I heard a speaker at a conference say, "Whenever you have a dream, especially if it's a big dream, you will be asked to lay it on the altar, give it back to God, and potentially give it all up. If God hasn't asked you to put your dreams on the altar, either they're not big enough, or you're not listening." </em><br />
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<em>Abraham was asked by God to put his son Isaac on the altar ... His son, who embodied all that Abraham and Sarah had dreamed of. Everything that they felt God had put on their hearts. How on earth would their promise be fulfilled (of descendants multiplying more than the stars in the sky) if their only offspring together was to be sacrificed? Therein lies the rub though. It seems that God frequently asks us to give up the very thing He promised us. Crazy right? </em><br />
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When I was 8 years old I started riding horses. My entire life growing up involved horses. I can remember spending almost my whole grade 10 social studies class drafting blueprints for the layout of the horse barn I would have when I grew up. <br />
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After college, and even as a busy mom and teacher I was easily swept back into the horse world. I started up a riding and training business on the side of my teaching and "mom" stuff. In 2011, I decided that with our growing family I would go full time into it. I could make my own hours and it would work for our family. It was then that I felt this dream of our own "place" start stirring inside of me. I started talking with family and friends about how it would work for us to acquire said "place". <br />
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I would like to be very honest (people don't like to talk numbers). I am sharing details with you because I want everyone who reads this to <em>fully </em>understand where we were at. We weren't different or unique. In fact I think many people will relate.<br />
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At the time when we started looking around at farms we figured it was going to be a 5-10 year plan. That was not pessimistic, just realistic. We knew we had a LOT of debt (student debt, consumer debt, mortgage debts both on our home and a rental house). We would have to save a down payment. Probably a large down payment, since any property worth considering was between $350,000 and $800,000 and we figured we'd only net about $35,000 from selling our current home. Here's the thing though. Knowing how impulsive and passionate I am, I should have started getting these things taken care of BEFORE I started looking.<br />
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Once I started looking, putting on the brakes became impossible for me. It was pretty much "normal operations" at the time for my impulsivity and drive (often otherwise known as passion<em>) </em>to overcome my planning and better judgement.<br />
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We fell in love. Over and over and over, we fell in love with every place we looked at. If you've ever shopped for a wedding dress, many folks will tell you not to try on a wedding dress you can't afford. I bought my dress for $400 off a clearance rack. Apparently I didn't realize that for a horse girl this phrase is more applicable to farm shopping. <em>Don't try on a farm and imagine walking down the barn aisle with it unless you can afford it.</em><br />
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Unfortunately we were going to have our hearts broken over and over as well. Anyone who's read my other blogs have heard all about our purchasing struggles. The bank kept shutting us down for so many wacky and unexpected reasons. We kept feeling God slam the door in our face and we didn't know why. We had made this perfect plan. We had cosigners. We had down payment money (well, our family and rrsps had down payment money, which on paper seemed like enough for the bank). We had it all worked out. <br />
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Yup, we. Me. And Brendan (well sort of ... I was like a crazed horse dragging him along on this adventure). We didn't pause very long to <em>really </em>discern God's will. At the end of the day we thought it was good enough that we had unbridled passion for the cause. We were willing to do anything to make this work. Willing to go to any lengths. Willing to in actual fact, beg, borrow and steal to make this plan (that we had convinced ourselves had to be God's will) play out. <br />
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Here's a word to the wise. God rarely endorses begging, borrowing or stealing in the execution of His will. If you find yourself in this position, proceed with caution. <br />
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Finally, we had more or less given up. I heard that phrase again in my head saying, "<em>Put it on the altar". </em>I think I knew deep down we should slow down and take a step back. But I'd be damned if I was going to give up that easily. At this point my sister and her husband had (of course relatively easily) acquired their beautiful dream farm. I wanted mine. And I wanted God to make it happen. Yesterday. After all, He promised. <em>(*Please note: Within this promise was never indicated a timeline. Apparently God doesn't generally provide a best-before date on dreams</em><em>.)</em><br />
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At this point we happened to reunite with some colleagues I knew in the industry. They owned a huge boarding stable we'd been at in the past. They had another, smaller place for sale. Good location, nice house, pretty yard, outdoor arena and barn, fenced. They were hoping to sell it but would be willing to rent it to us as well if the financing didn't pan out. When we talked to them about our financing woes they sympathized telling us everyone was having bank issues with farm purchases. Of course everyone was eager to help and at one point we were referred to "this guy" who could make it happen. For a cost of course. <br />
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I never really shared this overtly with anyone else at the time but I remember thinking somewhere deep in the back of my mind,"<em>See, there. It will work out either way. If we cant buy it through our bank, we can go to the wizard and get it financed. And if that doesn't work, we can rent it. Either way, we, err, God, will make this happen</em>." I was, to coin a phrase, <em>hell bent </em>on making it happen. <br />
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Another word to the wise... Never be hell bent on having it your own way. You'll get what you wish for (and nothing more). That is a promise. <br />
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As I mentioned in Part 1 of this post, God was in this, I know He was (and praise Him for that or we'd be far worse off than we already were!). We were able to get a conventional mortgage (with cosigners, but at least it was through our bank and no back room deal was needed). We borrowed a TON of money from family to make it happen, but at least our home we were currently lived in sold quick and for a great price (far better than the realtor expected). We truly thought if we could make the numbers all work out, it must be God's will. After all, He'd shut the door so many times before He would do it again, right? Well, I wasn't going to have that ... it was figured out. We listed our house for sale, moved to the farm, started working our tails off and the rest, as they say, was history. <br />
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I sometimes think people consider us as somehow different than them. We must have money, we must be wealthy. Well at least we have more than they do. I know this because I used to look at people in our position in exactly that way. Somehow, because you've got this big business, a nice farm and you've figured out how to manipulate the system to get it, you are no longer like <em>them. S</em>omehow its easy for us and we don't struggle with the same everyday problems like paying the bills, affording repairs or budgeting for regular and unexpected expenses. Like somehow we don't have those conversations about what we can afford or can't afford. It all just magically works out because we are "in business". <br />
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That's totally bogus. We don't have more money. That's the lie that the bank tells you. Just remember, <em>if you owe money for it, it's not an asset. </em>We didn't have more money. We had more debt.<br />
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When we entered this adventure we thought nothing of our debt. We didn't feel overly worried about the amount of financing we had going into the transaction either (credit cards, student debt, another mortgage on our rental home). We didn't blink an eye at borrowing money from anyone who'd lend it (especially our parents) in order to make it happen. We defined being able to "afford" something as being able to make the monthly payments. We thought it was God blessing us through our lenders.<br />
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We were wrong. <br />
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And it took a "<a href="http://www.daveramsey.com/" target="_blank">Dave Ramsey</a>" face-slap experience (as I like to call it) for us to learn that. (<em>*If you aren't familiar with Dave Ramsey and his get-out-of-debt strategy, you should be ... He's changed our lives. Future finance blogs to come!).</em><br />
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About 8 months after we moved in (maybe even earlier if we were honest) we knew we were facing what felt like supernatural struggle. We didn't know how much and for how long but we knew things were tighter than our original budget projections predicted. Its not that we weren't making as much money as we'd hoped. Its just that we weren't able to get ahead, or out of the hole. At all. We were dealing with some upgrades, fixes and general maintenance that we hadn't predicted exactly (and we never knew the frequency or when many of these things were going to crop up). It wasn't even just the money. I felt like I would have endless amounts of energy and ambition. My passion would be enough to get us through. This was false thinking.<br />
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I cried. A lot. It became almost uncontrollable.<br />
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I uprooted my family, had a new baby, was sick all the time, worked myself into sheer exhaustion and we were fast going broke. All because I <em>had</em> to have my dream. All because I rushed forward to make it all happen. Passion can be a great motivator. It can also be blinding and dangerous. Sometimes the good Lord will "give us over" to these passions. We have free will. He will gently guide us, but when we're <em>hell bent</em> He will sometimes step aside and let that determination unfold as our free will would prescribe.<br />
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Ravi Zacharias said it like this: <br />
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<em>"If you are determined in going in a certain direction, if you are bent upon silencing the voice of God in your life, you know what God will do? He’ll step aside and second your motion. If that’s what you really want. Because He cannot violate your Will and still call you free… If I am a free being, He cannot overrule my freedom in the most ultimate sense, and still call me free. He can lure, He can rule, He can plead, He can beg, He can even put the pressure on, but He cannot violate your will and still call you free."</em><br />
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God "gave me over" to my dreams. The reality is I was going to drag us forward into it whether He was on board or not. That was ignorant. That was a mistake. And despite the fact that we could potentially, somehow make it all work if we were willing to continue on the current path, that "mistake" sat in the pit of my stomach like a bowling ball. And God went silent.<br />
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Now that all said, God is pretty amazing. He promises us He'll give us beauty for ashes. He promises us that everything will work out for the good of those who love Him. He promises to go before us and prepare a way. It just might not be our way. <br />
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So, we made another decision. I have a feeling that we will look back on this time and recall it as the "great surrender". The time when everything changed. The decision that we made to really and truly let God's will be done in our lives. <br />
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We decided to sell the farm. <br />
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It's sad, but actually it's not really. I've finally gotten to the point where I think I understand the beauty of the altar. The incredible saving power of the cross. The ultimate contrast.<br />
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<strong>You only gain through <em>sacrifice.</em></strong><br />
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And it's only sacrifice if it's something you think you can't live without. There is no dream so fragile, so important, so worth clinging on to that we should be willing to withhold it from Christ's altar. This is what they mean when they say "Lay it at His feet". <br />
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Let it go. Give it up. Shake it off. Be willing to risk losing everything. Be willing to <em>actually </em>lose everything. Lay down your nets and follow Him ... <br />
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These things have a whole new meaning to me now. For some it's a place, for some a job, for some it's a relationship, for some it's a loved one or a child. No matter what it is that you are placing all your earthly stock and hopes in, be sure of one thing:<br />
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<em>The tighter you hold on, the more God is going to call you to let it go. </em><br />
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This, my friends is the meaning of "surrender". It sounds like a beautiful and noble thing but I've come to learn it is crazy and scary and embarrassing and often times unbearable. When you decide to surrender you will be called to lay everything down, especially the things you least want to give up. God does not guarantee that what He gives back to you will be what you left on that altar. He does promise though that what he gives us will be <em>good. </em>In fact it will be abundantly more than we can ask or imagine. <br />
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Galatians 6:9 says, "<em>Let us not become weary in doing good,<sup class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-29198A" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29198A" title="See cross-reference A">A</a>)"></sup> for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." </em><br />
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Doing good sometimes means doing things differently. <br />
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I have no idea what will become of my dreams and my ambitions now that we have made the decision to put our life on the altar. It will definitely be different. I love my business and my clients and we will certainly (from a business aspect) be able to regroup and pick up somewhere else. But I am, for the first time in my life, not going to get "my way". In fact, if the last 2 years is a testimony to getting my own way I eagerly await what lies ahead, as scary and out of control as I feel. I will stop my panicked planning and allow God's plan to unfold before me. Not until I see that His is the path in front of my feet will I take those first steps.<br />
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I know that there will be many stories about why we're leaving. To some it will be the money. To some it will look like a lack of ambition or talent. To some we will appear to just not have "cut it". Some will understand. Many will no doubt judge. People will talk and for the first time in my life none of that matters. <br />
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I will place my dream on the altar, and if need be I will watch it burn to ashes in front of me and everyone around me. Then I will lift my head, hold my family tight and smile up to God, knowing that in return the beauty He will give for those ashes will far outweigh anything that I could have come up with on my own.<br />
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And that <strong><em>is</em></strong> a promise.<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17422830983627984915noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2563601936723844596.post-60582700904823145782015-05-26T11:07:00.003-07:002015-05-26T11:07:53.376-07:00Surrendering, Part 1: A Homecoming of SortsSo what do you do when you've decided that God exists, that He most likely has some purpose for your life, that you want to try and best fulfill this purpose, and then this very same God tells you to do something nuts?<br />
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Crazy, irresponsible, irrational, reckless, unsafe. These are all words that the world will use to describe what God has asked you to do. <br />
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How do you even know that this is God's best plan for you? <br />
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Well, for one you've prayed. A lot. You've sought some wise, faithful counsel. You've ensured it aligns with scripture. You've researched. And of course, you've listened to the still small voice inside you (sometimes referred to as your "conscience" or "gut"). You are fairly certain that this absurd idea is from God. Sometimes you know it's from God just for that very reason... <em>its far too crazy to have come up with yourself!! </em><br />
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So, you've put all your hope and trust in Him, and He turns around and presents you with a road map that is taking you straight through the center of crazy town. And then there's always the question... what happens if you say <em>no</em>?<br />
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Well, on this topic I can certainly speak from my own experience. It seems that when I initially decided to put my trust in God (and subsequently any time I have had a major struggle, and then recommit my faith and my willingness to follow God's plan) I find myself headed somewhere completely unexpected. And usually terrifying. <br />
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I am living this reality out right now. <br />
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Let me give you a bit of a back story, as this story is the result of 3 major crossroads and decisions in my life, that began about 3 years ago. <br />
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It was around the time that we got pregnant with our third baby that I started considering that God might be pressing us to make some big changes. I was teaching in the traditional classroom at the time, but I knew putting three kids into childcare to go back to work would be completely unfeasible. I had always been involved with horses, teaching lessons and training a bit (usually during my "spare" time and mainly through maternity leaves). We started wondering if maybe God was pushing me to pursue this in a more committed fashion, and ultimately get our own facility where I could work from home and be a mom and raise our kids all at the same time. <br />
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So over time we started looking. Just casually at first. And we found some amazing places. This was a pipe dream if there ever were one, but it seemed right.<br />
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We knew if there were <em>any </em>chance of it happening we'd be borrowing <em>A LOT</em> of money, and so we'd need something at a reasonable price. We looked at many places. We put offers in. We had family helping us out. We were educated about mortgages, lending, and regulations. I had a 50 page business plan with budgets, projections, market research and strategies. But nothing seemed to work out. Offers fell through for ridiculous reasons. Things just seemed to be working against us. And along the way I changed. <br />
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Instead of this being an exciting new adventure and waiting patiently to see what God had in store, it became a huge stressor and I became anxious. In the midst of everything, my sister and her husband acquired a big, beautiful farm. The location was too far from the city for us as I could never maintain the necessary client base out there, but nonetheless it was a bitter pill to swallow. It seemed like everything was working out for everyone else but our dreams were dwindling. I was determined that it would work out for us. <br />
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After over a year of disappointments and set backs, I had this feeling in my soul that maybe we should just wait (or more accurately to my feeling at the time ... give up). We could save up some more money, maybe make it a little more feasible. We would have time to get better prepared.<br />
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But I was, well, indignant ... God was, after all the one who gave us this dream. My expectations, pride and personal desires were strong and I was <em>determined</em> to bring this plan of God's to pass in the way I <em>was sure</em> He intended it. <br />
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When we had all but given up, I came across a place for sale, owned by some folks we had known for a few years, and I figured there had to be a "cosmic" reason and it must be worth a try. They were willing to rent it if the sale didn't work out, and basically I told myself (and if I'm being honest, told God), "There, see, we can have this place no matter what". Either way, even if the purchase option flopped we could rent it for a while. <br />
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With that we hung the For Sale sign on our home and went to work. I was no longer in that place where I was peacefully waiting on and trusting God. It was happening either way. And, God gave me over to my desires.<br />
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I sometimes think that the nature of free will is such that God cannot really stop us when we are determined enough, and at some point or in some way, He lets us have our way. <br />
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Now I do have to say that I know without a doubt God was in this. His hand was all over it. Our house sold for more than expected, and extremely quickly. The deal on the new place went unexpectedly smoothly. But all the way along I have known in my heart that we <em>could </em>have waited. I just didn't want to. I've heard time and time again that God works in His own ways, on His own schedule. It just felt far too slow for me (and recent events had made me envious and bitter and I wanted my "victory" as well). <br />
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We have owned our place for over a year now and there are many amazing things about it. We are in a perfect location. It is a beautiful property, and the value will no doubt continue to increase. God has truly blessed us. But it has been hard. <br />
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Life since we got here has been harder than I ever imagined. It has been exhausting (emotionally, physically, psychologically and financially). If I were to document all of the things that have gone wrong or been "against" us, you'd never believe it (from horses dying to trucks being stolen and every crazy bit in between). I cry out to God almost every day, wondering how this could have been His plan for us. <br />
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Then a while back, I had a bit of an epiphany. <br />
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I'm not sure that it was His plan. Well, maybe not His original plan. In fact, when I look back, I think it may have been <em>my</em> plan from the get go. <br />
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I mean, not the whole concept, but certainly the hasty way in which we undertook this place. I was so scared that if this didn't work out, we'd miss our chance. I felt like everyone else was getting what God had promised us and so we should have ours too. I was heartbroken and it left me feeling impatient and impulsive. I was acting in what I thought was complete faith (and in all honesty, it felt very genuine at the time) but looking back I was really just scared and acting on that fear. God told me to wait. That still, small voice told me to pause and be still, but I (plain and simple) just didn't want to. <br />
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So what now? If God really felt that this plan would harm us or be completely unsalvageable I truly believe we prayed enough that he would have shut this door too. He must have had some plan of how He would use our lives being here. The question was, would we listen? <br />
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That brings us to the second major challenge. The arena. We basically have a full service facility here, minus an indoor or covered arena to ride in. So, we are completely at the mercy of the weather and the footing which, in Alberta, is not very kind. I realized very quickly that this would be a hindrance to the stability of my business (or at least in the way I thought it would materialize). About a month after getting our horses here and starting things up (or attempting to as weather permitted) I was feeling frustrated. One day as I mulled it over it was like I was reminded that impulsivity had gotten us here and it likely wouldn't help to continue that way. Kind of a gentle reminder of "watch what you wish for". <br />
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But life <em>would be so much easier </em>if we only had an arena. <br />
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As I continued to pray and consider everything, I got the strongest feeling of God (and this doesn't happen very often to me!) saying, "Be patient with the arena. You can go ahead and make it happen and you will get yourself into more stress and debt and wonder even further how this could be the plan. Or, you can wait for my timing, and I will figure it all out. Your choice." I knew in my heart it wouldn't be fun to wait. It wouldn't be popular (as this affects a lot more people than just me). But I also knew, in the depth of my soul, that God made me a promise that day. Not for anything specific, but just that if I waited, He would sort it out. <br />
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Do you want to know something funny? I am still trying to make it happen. I'm still planning and figuring and declaring, "Maybe<em> this </em>is God working it out". All I wanted was for God to speak to me and tell me His plan for me. Then He did. But it wasn't what I <em>wanted</em> Him to say. I wanted him to say I could have an arena ... like, yesterday.<br />
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What happens when we don't like His answer? What happens if we don't want to wait? What happens when we don't get our way, and instead have to 'suffer' in obedience to God?<br />
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Well, I'll tell you what happens. <br />
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We grow. We grow up. We mature. We develop patience and character. We develop trust and fortitude. We develop a testimony to God's faithfulness and goodness. And none of those things happen when everything is peachy and happens the way we planned it all out to happen. All of those things happen in the fires of affliction... when we feel impatient, stressed, distraught and hopeless. <br />
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But it isn't for the faint of heart. This Christian thing, I am discovering, isn't for wussies. I guess the crucifixion should have driven that home for me but somehow it took my own suffering to really make that obvious. <br />
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And that brings us to today. <br />
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A couple of months ago, God set something on my heart that was above and beyond insane. Its something I've actually talked about for a long time. Early in our marriage I'd expressed my intrigue and interest, but as life changed, so did my ideals. Nonetheless, God was preparing me years ago for this challenge.<br />
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Our oldest son is in grade one. He is a boy. He is ALL boy. He's smart and keen, but he's also super active and not at all built for 6 hours in a desk. He used to love school but recently began to dread it. He's been frustrated and feeling like a failure. <br />
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As a teacher myself, I had many ideas of things that would work to help him but the fast paced setting of the classroom, along with the general busyness and meeting of curricular objectives just weren't conducive to his success. <br />
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Then, over the period of about a week, I had three different people suggest it to me. Three fairly unexpected sources all suggested it (dun, dun, dun .... )<br />
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<em>Homeschooling. </em><br />
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Yes, I know. I had the same thoughts you are having right now, and they went as follows ... <br />
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"This is crazy. This is SO crazy. Only crazy people homeschool. What if our kids turn out maladjusted? What if they don't know how to socialize? How on earth would we ever find the time in our already hectic schedule? I mean, yes, I am a teacher and I'm at home already so it would kind of make sense, but it seems so NUTS!!"<br />
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Just as I had with the arena (like I said, this doesn't happen very often to me), I clearly heard God speak to my heart. "Bring him home, and I promise you, I will work all the rest out for the good of you and your family."<br />
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Everything about it seemed insane. Foreign. Reckless. Terrifying. <br />
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It also seemed <em>right</em> though. And as I prayed and researched and talked with people who knew more about this than I did, it seemed even more like this might be the path we were to walk. <br />
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The combination of the peace and excitement I felt over schooling our babes at home was amazing. We discerned a great deal more before, at the beginning of March, we pulled our Grady out of his traditional school and into our "homeschool". And I am so thankful we did. After just a month we've noticed some huge changes. He's way less anxious, and far more back to his fun-loving self. I finally feel that I've done something in line with God's will, and its as though I can now hear Him again, after what felt like 2 years of silence. We finally made a step to get in line with His will, instead of twisting it to seem like what we wanted <em>was </em>His will. <br />
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Although Grady's homecoming seems simple, for me it was so much deeper than that. It was for me a huge (and unique) step of trust and surrender. It was living recklessly for God's will and without concern for judgement or opinions of others ... only trusting what the Lord has set on my heart.<br />
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I heard a quote on the radio the other day (kind of a modern version of Paul's lament in Romans 7:15) that spoke directly to me:<br />
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"Just because you know God's way doesn't mean you do God's will."<br />
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I have always known that my passion and drive were great qualities that would get me far in life. But they are also the characteristics that lead me to act stubbornly, attempting to take care of everything myself, and never leaving any wiggle room for God's plan. After all, I know better. God is too good though to let me go this on my own though, and maybe letting me "have my way" was his way of showing me that I actually don't know everything. I can't see the big picture and I need His grace to help me muck about (literally some days) in everything I have before me. <br />
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Admitting that I have made a mistake (without becoming a total martyr and beating myself up with guilt) is one of my biggest challenges. Here's the thing though, we are SO short sighted. If we were truly honest with ourselves, we have no idea of the bigger picture. Its sometimes even hard to tell what is a mistake and what is just an obstacle on the way to some grand finale.<br />
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To illustrate, here is one of my favorite analogies of God (which I've heard retold in many versions)... <br />
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<em>We are but little children plinking and plonking away on the piano keys making a clatter of incoherent noise of our lives. The noise is entertaining to our ears for a while, but the novelty wears thin quickly. Then, just as we are about to get up and abandon this nonsensical production, our loving Father sits down and places his hands over ours and begins to bridge the notes together and fill in the silences until all that is heard is a beautiful melody, perfectly orchestrated, and sounding nothing like the mere clanging of keys that we were able to make with our little hands.</em> <br />
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It takes patience though, and trust. A trust that means letting go of ALL of the ideas we had for the outcome. For we cannot know, in our limited capacities, what that final song will be, and how God will use what we gave Him to make something grand and unimaginable. <br />
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I can only hope that one day when I look back I see that I gave God enough to work with, and sat and played long enough to hear the final composition. <br />
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I have no doubt that the symphony at <em>that</em> homecoming will be grand indeed ....<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17422830983627984915noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2563601936723844596.post-10829391482742129662015-05-19T16:58:00.001-07:002015-05-19T16:58:32.984-07:00Investing ... and Why Religion Is Unpopular.Throughout most of my adult life I have spent a great deal of time pondering why it isn't easier. You know, life. Why does it have to be so darn hard? We hear it all the time ... good people suffer, nothing comes for free, everyone has a cross to bear. <br />
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If God really exists and if He truly wants <em>everyone</em> to live a life by His design, then why isn't it easier. If this <em>God</em> is suggesting that He wants all of humanity to lay their life before Him and surrender everything for a life of faith and service to Christ, then why on earth isn't the road to his altar more <em>appealing</em>? I know that before I was a Christian I definitely didn't have any use for all of the rules, rituals, boundaries and limitations that Christianity offered. Life was hard enough without now subjecting myself to this narrow-minded, limited and restrictive obligation. My time was spread thin enough amongst my other obligations and my life had enough obstacles without all of the potential complications that religion might add. <br />
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It seemed that God's marketing plan had gone seriously amiss if His goal was to draw people to this life of faith by making Christianity seem like an easy and seductive option, given what else is out there to win over our time and attention.<br />
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Well you want to know a secret? <br />
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I don't think it's meant to be easy. And I don't think we're meant to be happy. And I don't think it matters one lick whether you are Christian or not. There seems to me to be only one way to best navigate the rough waters that are this human life on earth, one attitude that will get us through everything that life has to serve up ... <br />
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<em>Life is an investment... so GROW UP and start living purposefully.</em><br />
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Now I should tell you that I am not by nature cynical or crass. I don't like to tell people how it is, and I struggle actually to even be honest with people because I am so concerned with their opinion of me that I wouldn't want to offend them. I believe that overall people are good, even if misguided.<br />
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That said, I am a whiner. I genuinely feel, more often than I'd like to admit, that I am quite hard done by. I feel like I give A LOT to others, which they are quite happy to take. I work very hard at everything I do, and expect the same from those around me, realistic or not. I have high expectations of my life and when my expectations aren't met, I am generally disappointed and crabby about it. I am willing to work myself to exhaustion if I have a goal or an expectation of a result, which puts much pressure on that certain result materializing. If it doesn't, I'm filled with anger and resent at all my input and effort. When I feel that I somehow deserved more I feel ungrateful and indignant about the whole affair. It simply reaffirms this underlying thought that life is just hard and unfair. This is so extreme in me that even the simplest change in plans can leave me unsettled (ask my poor husband what happens when he suggests something I might be excited about (like say, stopping for a Tim's coffee) then later retracting, suggesting we just go home and make coffee ... my disappointment and reaction to such a scenario seems embarrassing even to me as I write this!)<br />
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I want things the way I want them. I work <em>very </em>hard to establish in my life the things I hope and plan for, the things I think I deserve. I don't want someone or something coming in and putting up barriers to my passion, independence and hard work. <br />
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Sounds alright I guess. Except life isn't fair. No one can guarantee that just because you worked your butt off, you won't still get axed at the next round of layoffs. No one can guarantee that just because you were active, ate healthy and watched your carbs that you'll live a long life, or avoid disease. Not one person on this earth can assure you of any outcome in any scenario at any time. There are just no hard and fast promises regarding the results of the things we face in this life. <br />
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I think it is this fact that led me to put such importance of "taking care of business" and ensuring (to the absolute best of my ability) that I (and I alone) try to work things out for the outcome I desire. I don't want to be interrupted, detoured or challenged in the things that I am working for and the things that I think will make me happy. Because that is the goal, right? Happiness.<br />
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Enter religion. <br />
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Chock-full of rules, boundaries and commandments. "The wise shall do this ...", "Only fools do that ...", "Honor your mother and father (regardless of how dishonorable they may be)", "Don't cheat", "Don't lie", "Don't fornicate". Where is the happiness in this stodgy and outdated establishment?<br />
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As I saw it, I was facing this life that is already challenging, unpredictable, disappointing and often harsh. Now they suggest I add a whole bunch of boundaries, rules, judgements and stigmas? <br />
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Here is what I now see as the most challenging part of sharing my faith. Faith in Christ, and a life in God, is not actually about religion, but <em>RELATIONSHIP. </em>We struggle with the "idea" of religion for intellectual and philosophical ("head") reasons, but at the end of the day I truly believe that the final decision all rests in meeting the <em>person of God</em> and trusting Him (in your "heart"), not necessarily the religion. <br />
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This is precisely why God doesn't really care about advertising a "struggle free" life, or an easy path. In fact, if life in this world were easy why would we need God? Faith and relationship with God would be redundant if it was only for the superficial purpose of providing some good to a person in an already simple and painless existence. <br />
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This is not reality though. Life is hard. We all struggle. Christian religion isn't suggesting that we should have faith in God to prevent a life of hardship. Christian religion offers faith in God precisely <em>because </em>we live lives that are hard. In fact, it is these very hardships that in turn develop in us the character to become people of strength, depth and virtue. And why on earth should I care about acquiring such traits?<br />
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<strong><em>Because I believe that the person I become in my time spent on this earth, is the person with whom I shall be forced to exist into the depths of eternity.</em></strong><br />
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Not only will my personality, character and traits be coming with me in life beyond this human experience, but the relationship I have with God while I'm here will certainly have some integral role to play in how I exist when my life on earth is over (if you're still uncertain about the whole existence of God and life everlasting, you could revisit my blog on <a href="http://www.alifeunveiled.blogspot.ca/2015/04/smart-people-dont-believe-in-invisible.html" target="_blank">'smart people and belief in God'</a>). The long and the short of it is we have to believe that we are making choices now for the <strong><em>sole purpose</em></strong> of investing in our long term future fate. <br />
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I think the whole reason why we resent the fact that life is challenging and unfair can be tied into our general disdain for investing and our aversion to delaying pleasure. We live (and I am referring specifically to the developed world here in North America) in a "fast-paced, get it before you can blink, don't want to wait 5 seconds longer than I have to, fast food, fast cars, climb the corporate ladder and make it big before you're 30, instant results" kind of world. We have things available to us at our fingertips at the click of a button. Transportation is fast and we are able to access information and items we desire at unprecedented speeds. We don't like to wait. Ten years ago I might have added here some anecdotal story about parking lots, supermarket lines, or car repair tantrums, but I don't think that is even necessary anymore. We wear our impatience on our sleeves, shamelessly. Someone can shout at a store clerk or over the phone at a utility provider for being less prompt than they were expecting and no one bats an eye. In fact, the bystanders may even encourage the heckler, showing support and sympathy for their impatience.<br />
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We often feel "suffering" because we have some expectation that life should be another, easier way. We feel that we have somehow been "shorted" the struggle and pain-free life we deserve. We want it now, and we deserve to have it now. After all, we're good people, we work hard, and it should be ours to take. <br />
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This is why the statistics for retirement savings in North America are staggeringly low. Scary in fact. We teach our students and our children how to make money, only to bombard them with marketing that says, "Spend, spend, spend, and if you don't have it you can borrow it". The store magazine racks are wrought with quick weight loss solutions, get rich quick schemes, and beautiful vacation destinations that you can fly to immediately (for only a small fortune. Financing available). You have to dig down deep to find the articles about working hard, saving for your future, sacrificing and struggling now so that later you might benefit. <br />
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The number one reason I feel sorry for myself or feel that life is somehow unjustly hard is because hard work usually doesn't feel good unless there are immediate benefits. Saving money doesn't pay off until long after you've made the effort that earned those dollars. Slaving away at work, raising kids, eating healthy and becoming a better person do not provide immediate pleasure. In fact, most of these things are painful. So why do we ever choose to do them? Because the payoffs of doing them far outweigh the damage that is done by leaving them neglected. <br />
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This is exactly what faith is all about. Consider Christ your soul's investment advisor. You will never hear a self-made millionaire tell you they were able to achieve that status through self-gratification, boundless living, or taking the easy road. No, they sacrificed, gave themselves limitations, and monitored constantly where they were on the road to their goals (for a great insight into the surprising reality of America's millionaire lifestyle, check out the book <a href="http://www.amazon.ca/The-Millionaire-Next-Door-Surprising/dp/1589795474" target="_blank">"The Millionaire Next Door"</a> by Thomas J. Stanley). The successful marathon runner didn't get to the finish line by affording himself expensive vacations, overeating and skipping that workout because she "didn't feel like it". The parents didn't raise strong, well-mannered, well-spoken children by simply saying, "we'll just let them do what feels right in the moment". <br />
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I always have to laugh when I hear of successful business people, or individuals who are fit and committed to a healthy lifestyle, reject religion or Christianity due to its restrictive or limiting nature. These are people who's success was made possible <em>SOLELY </em>through the application of and adherence to boundaries, and the delaying of pleasure or gratification in exchange for hard work and perseverance.<br />
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Our life is defined by the boundaries we live within. Our character is developed when we are challenged with situations where the outcome isn't guaranteed. <br />
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And this is exactly why I finally changed my mind about religion. When I decided to follow Christ, to make a relationship with God a priority and to make my faith the number one priority in my life, I was making an investment. In fact, it is the only investment I ever make where the result is guaranteed ... not here, not now, but eternally. Earthly things will come and go. I will no doubt face many more challenges before my days here are through. But every single obstacle I face and every time I choose to delay my own satisfaction to invest in future growth or development, I allow myself to develop more of this eternal character. <br />
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In the same way that I resist saving money because spending it now feels so good, and in the same way that I choose that donut over the greens because in that moment my craving gets the better of me, I short change myself and my future when I decide to live my own way now, shirking boundaries and responsibilities for the apparent freedom and "enjoyment" of life lived my own way. This attitude is immature, irresponsible and short-sighted. But it's popular. And somehow when something becomes culturally popular people think that it becomes <em>right. </em><br />
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So we see popular culture with it's claim to independence, self-righteous goal fulfillment, and entitled living winning out over the less popular "religious" life of service, humility and obedience. <br />
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I have lived both ways. Later in life, when I am watching my own children raise their children, I'm sure I will have only distant memories of what life without God was like. Which is why I think this topic is so important for me to reflect on now, only just 10 years a Christian (and in reality only very recently <em>actually</em> surrendering more fully to my faith and abandoning my own will). I lived long enough "doing my own thing" to say with confidence that it never brought me true joy. I was constantly longing for something to make me happy. Constantly whining about how life had done me wrong. Constantly searching for something (or someone) to "fill the void". I can spout about the "liberation" of religion-free life all I want but the reality is, I am a wreck on my own. <br />
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Maybe you're different. Maybe you have it all together. Maybe you can truly find joy and happiness on your own and God is simply a redundancy or crutch that you don't need. If so, I would challenge you to reflect on Rick Warren's definition of joy: <br />
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<strong><em>"Joy is the settled assurance that God is in control of all the details of my life, the quiet confidence that ultimately everything is going to be alright, and the determined choice to praise God in every situation."</em></strong><br />
<strong><em></em></strong><br />
If someone could guarantee you that everything is in control, orchestrated for the good of your life and that the fate of all that you hold dear is sealed in love and eternity, would that change your life? If not, then I guess that atheism is probably a reasonable choice for you. <br />
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But, if there is anything in that definition of joy that is alluring or assuring, please reconsider where you've invested your life. If there is even a fibre of your being that desires this kind of peace (even if it seems like unrealistic or "pie in the sky" thinking) then you and I are in the same boat. <br />
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Investing is hard. It takes sacrifice. But let me tell you that investing in your faith is much like investing in the financial world. Compound interest is like a magical thing, and the little bit you sacrifice to put in can end up being a rather nice pot of cash when the sacrifice is long gone and forgotten. Religion may seem full of rules and restrictions but these are just the boundaries of the "spiritual" market, the rules of investing so-to-speak. And you can learn to operate within them with joy and excitement when you see that little amount you put in start to be transformed and increased into something much larger than you could have saved or stockpiled on your own. <br />
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In my experience, when we are living in an immature and superficial way, dedicated to short term gain and avoiding suffering and sacrifice, we tend to find ourselves struggling and the "reserves" seem to dwindle. When we view struggle and sacrifice as an offense or an undeserved punishment, we find ourselves bitter and unhappy. Instead we need to heed James (1:2-5) and "consider it pure joy ... whenever you face trials of many kinds,<sup class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-30269F" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-30269F" title="See cross-reference F">F</a>)"></sup> <span class="text Jas-1-3" id="en-NIV-30270">because you know that the testing of your faith<sup class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-30270G" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-30270G" title="See cross-reference G">G</a>)"></sup> produces perseverance. </span><span class="text Jas-1-4" id="en-NIV-30271">Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature<sup class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-30271I" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-30271I" title="See cross-reference I">I</a>)"></sup> and complete, not lacking anything".</span><br />
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God isn't offering us a get-to-heaven-quick scheme, or 10-days-to-save-your-soul kind of deal. This is a long term investment. That can sound foreign and scary to those of us who are illiterate in the long-term-gain department. I didn't want (and didn't feel like I needed) religion and all of its entrapments. I just needed life to get easier and then I would be fine. <br />
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Unfortunately this attitude was silly and childish, and all together unrealistic. Life is what it is. It is hard, amazing, challenging, traumatizing, exhausting and beautiful. We cannot avoid challenges. But, what we can do is invest in someone who's in the business of handing out grace to get through those challenges. Someone who has been there, someone who invested the life of <em>His one and only Son</em> to allow our fate to be secured so we could truly live and thrive in peace in our lives here on earth, knowing that there is an eternity beyond this. <br />
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Life in a religious context may seem unpopular. It might seem like a weird or counter-cultural investment, but the payoffs have already been, at least for me, immeasurable. I tried it on my own and the result always seemed to be uncertainty, frustration, and exhaustion. I never seemed satisfied or settled. God offers us an unbeatable return-on-investment... Live a life in relationship with Him and in return you will find peace, true joy, solace in any suffering and all of this into eternity. <br />
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All this in a pretty low-risk investment. <br />
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I think I can buy that. <br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17422830983627984915noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2563601936723844596.post-35092732434511198592015-04-08T17:21:00.000-07:002015-04-08T18:32:08.900-07:00Smart People Don't Believe in Invisible Men<div dir="ltr">
Invisible guy in the sky. Invisible sky fairy. Big daddy in the clouds. These are all slang or mocking conceptions that people have created in response to the God that Christians believe in. People, they say, who believe in such a God must be deluded, dimwitted, deranged, or even clinically insane. In fact if you want to see how far the ridicule extends just Google "Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster". Being a "Pastafarian" is portrayed as just as legitimate as being a Christian. The (facetious) message is more or less that it is ridiculous for intelligent, well-educated people to believe in invisible guys hanging out in the clouds.</div>
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And I agree with them on that point.</div>
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For a very long time I felt that it was just far too irrational to believe in some supernatural being sitting in his big chair in the clouds looking down on us like ants in a cage. I could maybe fathom a "universal energy" or something that was somehow behind the inner workings of life and the cosmos but not this "god" fellow that church folk bought into. After a while I started to equate God with this "energy" and was more open to the idea of His being real and present but I was still a giant leap from believing in the Bible and the monotheistic ("single, all powerful") Christian God. It just didn't seem relevant. <br />
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In fact, even when I became a Christian in 2004, my conviction and belief in God developed mostly due to being part of a wonderful community of people who seemed more or less normal and helped each other out along their journey. I loved the "family" feeling and the potential deeper connection to life that my "belief" in God provided but I was still plagued with many of the same questions and struggles I had before I became a Christian. I would still (on many days) question whether I had put all my stock in some fairy tale, and often doubted whether this whole thing was really just a huge scam (as I would hear atheistic colleagues, friends and family claim). The analytical, reasonable, scientific and logical side of my brain cried out with questions and challenges to the emotional side of my brain. People would ask me questions like, "How can you really know that God exists?" or "Really what does it matter?" and sometimes I would want to just throw my hands up, walk over to their side and join them. I didn't have these answers. And probably the saddest part is I didn't know there <em>were</em> answers. Nobody talked about them. It was all about "just knowing" and believing God existed. Reading God's Word (in the Bible) and going to church were apparently all the incentive one should need. And I certainly didn't feel like I had to be out spreading this Word. I knew, more or less, what I believed and that was enough, right?<br />
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Well, it wasn't enough... I knew this somewhere deep down and I felt guilty for feeling that it wasn't enough. <br />
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Until I heard about the field of "Christian Apologetics". <br />
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It was Ravi Zacharias who said “What I believe in my heart <em>must </em>make sense in my mind.”<br />
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Imagine my shock when I discovered that there was a whole discipline and loads of scholars (yes, well-researched, well-respected Masters and Doctorate students, professors and entire departments of Post-Secondary institutions) devoted to cutting edge research on the History, Philosophy and in-depth study of God's existence within the scope of the Christian religion. <br />
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There were reasons. <br />
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Reasons backed by science (to a level that was WAY beyond my scope of scientific understanding) to show that God is the best explanation for the existence and many of the fundamental properties that we see in our world (and greater universe) today. Good reasons for believing in God. Reasons that I could buy into and share with confidence.<br />
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In response to 1 Peter 3:15 (that we are all called to give a defense of the hope we have in our heart) I found loads of arguments for the existence of God, and <em>NONE </em>of them were from the bible. No cyclical arguments that say we should believe in God because that is what it says in His Word. Yes, the Bible can be examined as a historical text (and most historians and new testament scholars agree that it is a very (if not one of the most from that era) reliable text) but that only provides evidence for the historicity of Christ's life, death and resurrection (which is a completely separate argument from the existence of a Creator). <br />
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I must pause though and give a disclaimer. I am by no means an expert here. I have been so blessed in my exposure to the intellectual field of apologetics but I personally have only touched on the tip of the proverbial iceberg. Thus, I will refer you over and over again to many sources who are much wiser and more educated than I am. Nonetheless, if you're struggling with the idea of God's reasonable existence like I was, I think you'll find this very brief look at some of the research both interesting and digestible. Hopefully it will spark in you a need for further investigation.<br />
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Some of these arguments get VERY technical (we're talking quantum physics here!) so I would like to introduce you to the ideas that I found compelling and accessible (to the level that I understand them). There are many experts and arguments that I will skip but I'd simply like to walk you through the ideas that I found the most exciting and convincing, and encourage you to do your own further studying!<br />
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I am (in a very unscholarly, plagiaristic fashion) going to give you for the most part general references here. These are the select folks whose works I have encountered and want to give them appropriate credit. That said, this <em>is</em> a blog, and not a post-grad paper so I don't feel the need to credit every idea to its exact source location. I will give you general ideas and their authors and leave it up to you to hunt down any further specifics you might be longing for!<br />
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I would like to start by clarifying that there are a couple of different overall arguments and it is imperative to keep them separate. First, there is the argument that there <em>is </em>a Creator. In other words, the universe, the world, and all that we live here with were created by some transcendental being (or "of relating to a spiritual or non-physical realm"). Secondly (and strongly related to the first) there is the argument that this is ONE creator (i.e. a monotheism, versus a polytheism with many gods). Lastly, (and a separate argument all together) is that this Creator is the God of the <em>Christian </em>faith (and defense of this point rests on the evidence for the life, death and resurrection of Christ). It is important to keep these points (and the arguments for their truth) somewhat separate. <br />
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So, if God exists, prove it right?<br />
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Well, although we may not be able to <em>prove </em>that<em> </em>God exists there are some fascinating and compelling facts about the basic fundamentals of our world for which the best explanation appears to be the existence of a Creator. <br />
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Before we begin I also implore you to remember that we must consider <em>ALL </em>of these arguments together and not just one argument as sufficient.<br />
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In a similar scenario, the brilliant and authentic Christian apologist Ravi Zacharias always says that in order for a worldview, or religion, to be coherent (i.e. make sense and be fully consistent), it must sufficiently address and answer the four major questions of life. These questions surround the understanding of origin, meaning, morality and destiny. In fact it is interesting to really reflect on various worldviews, because to be coherent (logical and consistent) they <em>must</em> have an explanation or coverage sufficient to address answers to all four of these questions. It is when a worldview is examined <em>as a whole</em> that its validity can be obtained and not just by examining one evidence or argument. Many believe that Christianity's coverage is the most comprehensive in this respect (I will discuss this in a future post).<br />
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So for now, just to get the ball rolling in your further quest into this idea of a "reasonable and rational" belief in God, here are some arguments. I am a sceptic by nature so I am assuming you are all sceptics as well and I am thus having a hard time making this succinct as I imagine with every sentence a rebuttal that might be launched. Please know I provide this information as an "abstract" or a small taste of what's out there. <em>PLEASE, </em>if you are doubtful or skeptical of what you see here (but possibly a little intrigued as well, as I was!) continue to pursue answers for as long and as far as it takes you to find them!<br />
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<em>First, I must reference William Lane Craig. There are many other scholars and intellects who have studied this but I am primarily familiar with his work. Much of what you'll read below you'll find on his website "Reasonable Faith".</em> <br />
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<em>Also much of my understanding of the Moral Argument comes from RZIM, or Ravi Zacharias International Ministries.</em><br />
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<strong>The Universe Began to Exist, and Therefore Has a Creator</strong><br />
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This argument has been popularized as of late by William Lane Craig and is fairly easy to summarize. It goes as follows:<br />
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1. Whatever begins to exist has a cause.<br />
2. The universe began to exist.<br />
3. Therefore, the universe has a cause.</div>
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Generally speaking, those opposed to the idea of a Creator (and many scientists in general) have been working hard on premise #2, trying to determine if there is any way around the well-supported Big Bang Theory for the beginning of the Universe. I will not go into the great debate here, as there is a HUGE amount of work out there that can be read or viewed on it (and things get complicated quickly with scientific jargon and defeater defeaters and such). Nonetheless it raised an interesting topic for me to ponder. If the universe did begin, and before the universe there was nothing (and nothing as in no-thing, or an absence of anything, but not nothing which is its own something ... see how quickly this gets confusing!!) ... anyways, where did the universe come from???</div>
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(The following is directly quoted from Craig's article: <a href="http://www.reasonablefaith.org/popular-articles-does-god-exist#ixzz3UZhILO6r" style="color: #003399;">http://www.reasonablefaith.org/popular-articles-does-god-exist#ixzz3UZhILO6r</a>)</div>
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<em>In 2003, the mathematician Arvind Borde, and physicists Alan Guth and Alexander Vilenkin were able to prove that any universe which has, on average, been expanding throughout its history cannot be infinite in the past, but must have a past spacetime boundary (i.e., a beginning). What makes their proof so powerful is that it holds so long as time and causality hold, regardless of the physical description of the very early universe. Because we don’t yet have a quantum theory of gravity, we can’t yet provide a physical description of the first split-second of the universe; but the Borde-Guth-Vilenkin theorem is independent of one’s theory of gravitation. For instance, their theorem implies that the quantum vacuum state which may have characterized the early universe cannot have existed eternally into the past, but must itself have had a beginning. Even if our universe is just a tiny part of a so-called ‘multiverse’, composed of many universes, their theorem requires that the multiverse itself must have had a beginning.</em></div>
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There are also folks (such as Sean Carroll and Lawrence Krauss) who attempt to undermine the first premise, but I have a very hard time with this one (and Craig has much to say on this as well) as I just cannot buy that things can pop into being from non-being without some creator or creative force. If the universe is not eternal in the past, then there must be an explanation for its coming into being. The real question I face is if this explanation isn't God and things can just come into being from nothing (with no causal explanation) then why don't we see things just popping into being all over the place? I urge you to do your own research here, but I certainly found the existence of a Creator to be quite plausible in light of this argument. </div>
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<br /><em>(Read more: </em><a href="http://www.reasonablefaith.org/in-defense-of-the-kalam-cosmological-argument#ixzz3Wksxnnj4" style="color: #003399;"><em>http://www.reasonablefaith.org/in-defense-of-the-kalam-cosmological-argument#ixzz3Wksxnnj4</em></a>)</div>
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<strong>The Fine Tuning of the Universe for Advanced Life </strong></div>
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To understand what is meant by the "fine tuning" of the universe, imagine a huge panel full of controls and dials. Each one of these controls a property of nature in the universe. In order to allow for advanced life (such as we observe now on the earth), each of these controls must be tuned to an <em>extremely </em>fine degree of specificity, within a <em>very </em>narrow range. Since these "dials" (or often called "constants") are ALL properly tuned to the appropriate degree or level, we are able to have the stability of the atoms and molecules, the rates and sizes of nuclear reactions and nuclear and gravitational forces, the energy (from stars) and heavy atoms, and the chemistry of DNA and all of the observable elements (just to name a few!) that are required for life. </div>
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Recent scientific discoveries have shown that these constraints must be fine tuned to such a narrow degree in order to allow or produce life that the probability of them all aligning is <em>EXTREMELY </em>low.</div>
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Of course, we observe life, and thus the alignment and fine-tuning of all of these properties, which begs the question... how did they get this way? </div>
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This is where theologians suggest that God's creative power is sufficient to answer this question. </div>
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In fact, the only other current theory tabled to address the fine tuning of the universe is the idea of a multiverse as propagated by Physicist Victor Sengar. Multiverse theory proposes the existence of infinite parallel universes wherein one (i.e. the one we currently observe) is expected to be habitable by intelligent life. This theory is still in speculative form (limited by current String Theory) and is fraught with holes and issues (William Lane Craig addresses this very well, so check out his work!). </div>
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Certainly the existence of a Creator (or Designer) of the universe provides a plausible explanation of the Fine Tuning. </div>
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<strong>Moral Laws Require a "Moral Law Giver"</strong></div>
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Here is where, for me, the idea of arguing for God's existence really struck a chord. Where my head and my heart met and found deep resonance .</div>
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At the heart of it, everyone must ask themselves:</div>
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<em>Is there a moral standard, or code to which we seem to be universally aware (regardless of our choice to follow it or not) that is not subject to arbitrary change or revision?</em></div>
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The question is, aside from all other laws, customs, cultures, traditions, personalities, choices and lifestyles, do <em>good </em>and <em>bad </em>exist? Is there a moral law that transcends humanity? </div>
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If so, there must be a moral law <em>giver. </em>There must exist a Creator of this moral law. Someone who defines the law in their very existence.</div>
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On atheism, life is over (fully and completely) when we die, and since there is nothing that transcends humanity, there cannot exist this "greater" moral code. Everything that we do or are inclined to believe is rooted in our development, environment and survival. Something that is called "good" could be something that enhanced or furthered the proliferation and thriving of a species. This belief is fraught with problems though. Take the example (albeit a dramatic one, but effective for reflection on the topic) of rape. On atheism, if it could be proven that rape would help in the survival or optimal development of that species, it should be considered "good". </div>
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In this naturalistic worldview there is <em>no</em> <em>objective basis for morality</em>. </div>
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I have yet to come across an argument that could convince me that there aren't objectively good and bad things. Yes, there are grey areas but there are some things that are so universally accepted as good and bad that it is hard to argue that they could be arbitrary. As an animal lover and a parent, when I see abhorrent things being done to animals and children, I feel, in the pit of my gut, that justice must be served. This is because someone, or something, has been wronged. Someone has done wrong. If these standards of right and wrong were human-devised they would fluctuate as much as anything man-made across the world and across the centuries. They haven't. Sure you find people who are anomalies, mentally unstable, or arguing fiercely for atheism and willing to shirk moral standards as non-objective, but on the whole, there are many universals.</div>
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Now, one of the most important things I've come to understand regarding this argument is that you don't have to <em>believe that God exists</em> in order to be subject to His moral law. He just has to exist. So the atheist that tries to argue that there are things that are objectively good and bad may very well be arguing themselves as subjects of this moral law, even as non-believers. If the law exists, there must be some transcendent force or being that applied the law. And here we have yet another argument for God.</div>
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There are many other "ideas" and arguments out there, some of which are related to the above arguments (i.e. other design arguments often referred to as Intelligent Design or the Teleological argument) or others including the Ontological argument and general cosmological arguments based on the universes existence but these are far more abstract than I wish to delve into here (see William Lane Craig's article <a href="http://www.reasonablefaith.org/the-new-atheism-and-five-arguments-for-god">http://www.reasonablefaith.org/the-new-atheism-and-five-arguments-for-god</a>).</div>
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Everything I have shared here is just a tiny glimpse into the converging worlds of religion, philosophy, science and specifically physics. There are many, exceptionally well-spoken and educated scholars, philosophers and scientists who believe and argue for the existence of a Creator, God. </div>
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For me, this realization was extremely liberating. It meant I didn't have to completely abandon my educated, analytical side to consider my faith. I didn't have to adopt a completely emotional and irrational persona in order to consider prayer, religion or God. </div>
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I can be a smart person, who believes in God. Like many others who have gone before me and are going now ... finding a faith that is reasonable and well-thought. </div>
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I have to say something now that many non-believers won't like. I didn't like it. If I'm honest I still don't. That doesn't mean its not true though. </div>
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I will quote Ravi Zacharias on this as I think he says it beautifully: </div>
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<em>“A man rejects God neither because of intellectual demands nor because of the scarcity of evidence. A man rejects God because of a moral resistance that refuses to admit his need for God.”</em></div>
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I didn't like God because God came with rules. God came with restrictions. God came with convictions on my heart regarding how I live and who I'm living for. </div>
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I was smart enough to know that I knew best. And I didn't want to be told otherwise. </div>
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Unfortunately this kind of "power" comes with great responsibilities and great insecurities. Without transcendent boundaries and guidelines by which to lead my life, I was unwittingly lost. I was becoming more and more defensive and cynical and paranoid every day. Since I threw up my arms and decided to give it over to one who knew more than me (even though I often still have a hard time swallowing that one!) I have found more peace. Genuine peace. And love. </div>
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And truly isn't that what we all want? Peace and love. In our lives, in our decisions, in our families, in our world? </div>
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And although I fully understand that as long as humans exist there will be those who argue against God's existence I find deep solace and empowerment in knowing that I can find and deliver strong, educated, and scholarly arguments for our Creator. It isn't just emotional. Its not just for the weak or the less fortunate. </div>
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I can be smart and believe in God. In my mind, that's just awesome. </div>
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Even more awesome than an invisible sky guy. </div>
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But I guess you can decide that for yourself.</div>
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<u></u> </div>
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<em>(For those looking for more, here are some sources that got me started:)</em><br />
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<em>-William Lane Craig and his Reasonable Faith Ministry</em><br />
<em>-Greg Koukl, Alan Shlemon and Brett Kunkle of Stand to Reason </em><br />
<em>-Lee Strobel and all of his amazing books, many of which are written like fiction stories which make them fun to read! (i.e. Case for a Creator, Case for Faith, Case for Christ, Case for Grace, God's Outrageous Claims, etc)</em><br />
<em>-Ravi Zacharias and RZIM ministries</em><br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17422830983627984915noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2563601936723844596.post-8380277986602533132015-03-02T14:12:00.000-08:002015-03-02T14:12:39.957-08:00But I deserve to be happy ... So I have a confession to make. I think its funny because before I was a Christian when I heard the word "confession" it always made me think of creepy old churches and low-voiced priests veiled behind lattice and darkness, accepting offerings of truth and assigning penance. <br />
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Nonetheless, I sit in my front room near a big bright window and buzzing computer screen disclosing my deepest secrets (well, maybe not all of them, but certainly I have some things that could be helpful to expose). <br />
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When I came to faith and belief in God, I was so relieved because I was experiencing such joy and happiness. Finally, I had found something to fill the void that I felt inside. I had been struggling, sad and lacking direction in my life. I was so relieved to find God and know that moving forward I could smile, laugh and enjoy life so much more. I was on cloud nine. <br />
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We (Brendan and I) were part of a growing and vibrant church community. We were studying our faith and I was in school taking Christian courses, working part time in a Catholic school, and planning a wedding. Life was amazing and I was so happy. That lasted for a little while. <br />
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We spent the first couple years of our marriage continuing to be active in our faith community. We helped run the Alpha program, I volunteered with RCIA (a program designed for the education and formation of those thinking of becoming Roman Catholic as adults), and I continued to be involved in a Christian school setting. Life wasn't perfect but things were pretty good for us. <br />
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We made the decision to travel to South Korea to teach English (with one of Brendan's older sisters and one of his younger brothers). Upon arriving (literally the day we flew there), we discovered we were pregnant. As it turned out, God knew that if we found out before we left we would've ditched the contract and never gone. That would've been a terrible mistake. <br />
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We stayed for several months and then decided to come back to get set up, have the baby at home and start this new chapter in our life. <br />
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Now a couple of years into our marriage, pregnant and having no home, no jobs and really no idea of what we were doing, we managed to maintain a strong faith that God would provide for us. I certainly believed that we deserved a joyful and abundant life and that God would set that out before us. We would pray and believe for things to work out so easily. And they did. For a while. <br />
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As life played out though, things got harder. With every baby, job change, new house, new care provider, no matter how hard we prayed, we just kept hitting all these obstacles. At first my fervent and upbeat attitude was maintainable. We were faithful in our prayers, our church attendance and our belief that God was working everything out for the good. But after a while, nothing seemed good. In fact, everything seemed hard. And when I speak about this in the past tense, do not be fooled. We have not yet seen the end of these challenges. I have had days in this last year where I wonder where the heck God is and how he could have allowed me to end up in such an awful, exhausting, unfulfilling and miserable spot. All I have ever wanted was to be the best I could be. To follow God's will and do what I was supposed to do. Is that too much to ask for someone who is trying to live out their Christian faith the best they can ... that God would just work all of this out? Don't I deserve to be happy? <br />
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Well the conclusion I've come to is simple but its a hard one to swallow. The answer is <em>no. </em><br />
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I think the biggest part of the problem here is the message that our culture sends is completely in opposition to this. Just watch any commercial or read any magazine and you'll see countless ads telling you why you deserve that vacation, that new truck, that better dishwasher, home or even body. After all, you've worked hard, you're a good person. You deserve to be happy. <br />
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But here's the catch. God never told us we'd be happy. <br />
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There are dozens of promises that God makes to His people in the Bible. He gives us assurance that He will keep every one of these promises. And make no mistake ... some of them are <em>outrageous! </em><br />
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He promises that His grace is sufficient and that He will provide all of our needs. <br />
He has promises us victory over death and eternal life. <br />
He has promises us that He will work out all things for good for those who love Him. <br />
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Never though, does God <strong>ever</strong> promise we'll be happy. <br />
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Why on this green earth then would I ever choose to be a disciple of a God who cannot even compete with the local travel agency when it comes to making me happy? Certainly they promise happiness (at least for the 2 week duration of your stay or your money back). <br />
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Well, I'd say it has to do with a further examination of the purpose of this thing we call life. <br />
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And upon this further examination I have come to believe that the expectation that life deliver happiness is a human-created culture which is not universal.<br />
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Certainly this was not the case when Jesus told the disciples that they had to give up everything they had (jobs, money, things, friends and even families) to follow him. If he was concerned with making the disciples happy he would've said, "Stay here, live in big, cushy houses and preach only to people who agree with everything you say. You will not be judged, persecuted or challenged and I will provide you with all of the money and material goods you need to be happy." <br />
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No, Jesus did not say anything like that. Because Jesus was not concerned with making the disciples happy. He was concerned with making the disciples, well, <em>disciples. </em><br />
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He was concerned with developing their faith, their character and their witness and testimony. He was concerned with taking their focus <em>off</em> of material things and finding true joy and peace in the <strong><em>real </em></strong>promises that God has to offer. The ones that matter. The ones that last. <br />
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Do you ever notice how quickly something that should make us happy can lose its allure, annoy us, or even make us mad? If you've never experience this, just get married. (Wow, that sounded so cynical ... but its true!). A marriage is a union within which both people can grow, develop and raise up the next generation in a safe, loving and character-forming environment. But marriage (like Christian faith) was never designed to make us happy. Don't get me wrong, I have experienced much happiness. But I've also experienced truck loads of the opposite. <br />
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God never promised that this would be easy. He never promised that it would be safe. He never assured us that walking in His grace would be smooth and simple. <br />
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He did promise us peace though. And joy. And eternal life. And all of those things are so much deeper and richer than mere happiness. They are signs of having and fulfilling your life's purpose, as challenging as that may be. God doesn't owe me any happiness. But He has promised that He will compensate me for any trouble I face in walking His path. It just might not be with a new car or a 5-star vacation. It might be with a depth of character that is irreplaceable and necessary to bring me to a new level of joy or peace. Or it might be with something years from now that I am not even aware of now. Either way, God will ensure His followers are saved. Maybe just not how we expect, or in a way we think we deserve. <br />
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I think that once again CS Lewis has such amazing wisdom on this topic ... <br />
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<em>“I didn’t go to religion to make me happy. I always knew a bottle of Port would do that. If you want a religion to make you feel really comfortable, I certainly don’t recommend Christianity.”</em> <br />
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Since I found my faith (and even more so the deeper my conviction to God has become) I have been challenged. I have been attacked, persecuted and faced challenges that I didn't know I'd make it through (and some that I am still in the midst of). We have had struggles in our marriage, finances, in raising our kids and just deep within ourselves that have threatened to break us apart at the seams. <br />
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But we cling, desperately at times, to the promises of God. I know that at the end of the day the fulfillment of material and earthly things and experiences will wear thin. I've been there. I've prayed for something (or someone, or some opportunity) SO HARD because I thought it would make all the difference. It always disappoints. But God never does. <br />
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One of my favorite bits of dialogue in the Narnia Chronicles is between Susan and Mr. Beaver, in reference to Aslan, the Lion and it goes as follows: <br />
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<em>“Aslan is a lion- the Lion, the great Lion."</em><br />
<em> "Ooh" said Susan. "I'd thought he was a man. Is he-quite safe? I shall feel rather nervous about meeting a lion"...</em><br />
<em>"Safe?" said Mr Beaver ..."Who said anything about safe? 'Course he isn't safe. But he's good. He's the King, I tell you.”</em> <br />
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God isn't safe. Sometimes God is the farthest thing from safe. Just ask those who are persecuted or killed for their faith. Just ask Christ as he hung on the cross. <br />
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I choose to follow God because I believe He exists and I believe that His promises are true. His grace will be sufficient for me to face anything I need face. And the promise of my secured eternity and the eternity of those I love is one I do not take lightly. <br />
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So, knowing full well that I will probably have to forego some of the "things" that I really want, and I will be denied many of the things that society will tell me I cannot live without, I will continue towards a deeper and more rich understanding of my faith and God's plan for me. <br />
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I will trade in safety and happiness for goodness and true joy. <br />
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In the end, I may not get what I "deserve" but I am pretty certain that what I do get, will be so much more. <br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17422830983627984915noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2563601936723844596.post-40562774987196763922015-02-25T09:20:00.001-08:002015-05-26T12:16:17.126-07:00It might be true for you, but ... So if you're still around and I haven't already turned you off, I would like to share some of the foundation on which I'm now living my life. These values and ideas are the underpinnings of everything I do, and although I fail often in living out my faith, these core beliefs give me pause for thought every day. Probably still crazy for those who know me well and have never heard me breathe a word of this, hey? I'm not that great a liar, I swear. I have just kept these cards close to my heart up until now.<br />
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We live in a very secular, relativistic society (this is especially true if Canada and Europe although some feel that the US is following suit). Relativism is, put simply, the idea that no ideas or views have absolute truth or are ultimately valid. The only value something has is understood through the perceptions and ideals of the person who holds that view. This is the idea that everyone simply decides what is true <em>for them. </em> I didn't notice it until I started looking for it. Then it was all around me.<br />
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I tend to think we often see relativism parading around under the guise of being polite or "politically correct". Especially here in Canada, we are almost afraid to say anything resolute (especially on matters of philosophy, religion or metaphysics) for fear of being politically incorrect or offending someone. Truth becomes very subjective when you are hesitant to state anything with certainty for fear of being labelled as judgemental, prejudiced or even a bigot. <br />
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Before I go any further, I was going to give you my own run down on the types of truth and self refuting statements but instead I shall just direct you to this fabulous and easy to understand you tube <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q17wLBbdxMs" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">video</a>. It is by a Christian apologist named Brett Kunkle (of Stand to Reason ministries. Check them out... a great organization for non-Christians with questions, Christians looking for accurate and intelligent ways to defend the faith, and for budding apologists!). <br />
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*(<em>For those of you who don't know, as I didn't until about a year ago, an apologist is simply someone who gives a defense (or an 'apologia') of something ... It is NOT someone who apologizes for something! So, a Christian apologist is not apologizing for being Christian but giving a defense of the Christian faith and Christian doctrine).</em><br />
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Anyways, the video clearly outlines the difference between objective truths (understood as relating to the truth statement itself) and subjective truths (understood through the lens/ perspectives of the holder of the truth, as opposed to the truth itself). He outlines nicely the way in which objective truths can be discovered and shared by anyone. In contrast, there are no mechanisms or processes by which subjective truths can be projected onto (or made wholly applicable) to another person (since their interpretation is based on personal perspective). </div>
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He makes a strong case for the reasons why the existence of God falls into the former category and I choose to operate from this same understanding. Whether his argument is solid or not could certainly be a fair topic for debate (if someone were to have sufficient cause to find error in his premises) but that argument is a separate one altogether. </div>
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Thus, I believe that God's existence is a truth that is <strong>objective</strong>. I believe that God cannot be just true for some people and not for others. If the statement "God exists" is an objective truth, we cannot claim non-belief by simply prescribing the truth to those who it "suits" and omit those who choose the opposite. Instead the non-believer bears a burdern to disprove or dismantle the defense of God's existence or prove His non-existence (much more tricky I'd say). </div>
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I am going to (probably many times) quote CS Lewis, one of the most insightful and genuine Christian apologists I've ever read. I think his quote relating to this topic of truth is so applicable here. </div>
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<em> </em><span class="st"><em>"Christianity, if false, is of no importance, and if true, of infinite importance. The only thing it cannot be is moderately important."</em> </span><br />
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We (especially here in Canada, under this relativistic and often apathetic culture) tend to make the grave mistake of placing belief in God in that third category. <br />
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My own personal journey to find out the truth about God's existence was certainly more an internal than external struggle (remember I was firmly rooted in the ideology that it was fine for others to believe in a Christian God, but I didn't need to). I think this is an appropriate time to address an important distinction that I've noticed in my own journey. <br />
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There was definitely a time when I would've called myself an atheist or a non-believer, but its not until recently that I had an epiphany and realized I was never really convinced about God's non-existence (at least at a deep level, and without having had any real exposure to anything Christian). Even when I was the most in doubt, anger or hopelessness, I would think (and say) things like, "See God, I knew you didn't exist" (<em>who did I think I was talking to?), </em>or "If there is a God, he sure makes some terrible decisions" (<em>again, completely entertaining the idea of there being a "God", whom I of course knew better than). </em>On the flip side, when things were good, I was perfectly happy to take the credit, or feel more or less neutral about God's involvement, but I never <em>actually </em>dismissed God as non-existent (at least not for any length of time). Again I think a Lewis quote applies so perfectly to my state of mind while wrestling with these things:<br />
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<em>“Not that I am (I think) in much danger of ceasing to believe in God. The real danger is of coming to believe such dreadful things about Him. The conclusion I dread is not 'So there's no God after all,' but 'So this is what God's really like. Deceive yourself no longer.”</em> <br />
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I am sure it is different for everyone and I do not doubt that some who claim to be atheists/non-believers genuinely feel that God is a completely fabricated idea but I will be very honest and speak to my experience. I would say that very near to 100% of the time when I felt that I was doubting Gods existence, I was really doubting (or misunderstanding) God's <em>nature. </em><br />
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I felt that a God who would allow the things that I was witnessing and experiencing, or a God who would withhold goodness and love in the way I perceived, must be a pretty rotten God. It was (as I've now learned) a standard case of the argument against God based on the "problem of evil" in the world. I'd like to talk about this more later but I guess my point is that I would just feel so angry, so abandoned, so hopeless and sometimes so punished, that I would wonder how good (and useful) this "God" character could really be, thus making me question his existence. But when I look back (and I still struggle A LOT with this issue) my real doubt was in His character, not in His existence. I needed to find the truth about God, but since everyone's truth was just their own as they perceived it, how could they help me? I was left to only rely on my own senses and experiences.<br />
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That turned out to be an entirely unfulfilling and empty search. <br />
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I started looking outside myself. When I was in grade 11 I really started "soul searching". I didn't really know any Christians but a family friend turned me on to the book series "Conversations with God" by Neale Donald Walsch. He wasn't a Christian but claimed to hear directly from God (and I use this word <em>claimed </em>intentionally as I now believe the reliability of this claim to be flawed, but that's another issue). Nonetheless, it opened me up to the idea of a God whose character (and thus, existence) I could stomach and more importantly opened me to the idea of defining myself as someone who might be able to believe in God. It would be another few years before I met Brendan (now my husband) and was introduced to the Christian God. <br />
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I guess this was the beginning of my "truth" discovery. My life growing up was really good. My parents were amazing, I had many wonderful opportunities, and their encouraging of us (my sister and I) to discover our own truths was done with honest and "liberating" intentions. Unfortunately, for someone who was seeking for solid answers to deep questions about life's greatest uncertainties surrounding origin, meaning, morality, and destiny (as coined by Ravi Zacharias of RZIM ministries), I didn't need liberation or the loose and relativistic ideals that our culture was providing me. I wasn't finding clear cut answers, and the analytic and scientific side of me was desperate. My doubts about "religion" were fed because the paradigm I was operating under was telling me that the answers that were out there were just relative to the beliefs of the people who held them. I found myself miserable, confused and anxious. <br />
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It is only now, almost 16 years later, that I've come to realize (and in the future I will share this process) that <em>there is</em> objective truth. <br />
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<em>The </em>truth.<br />
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That may be offensive to some people. I still cringe a little when I say it, and it doesn't yet feel completely comfortable rolling off my tongue. I know that saying things like this might make me appear to some to be intolerant and narrow- minded. If that is you, take heart. I judged others so often in this way that I can completely understand (and in a strange way, still sympathize) with that perspective. But I cannot deny that something inside my head and my heart has changed. <br />
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I know these things I am learning to be true. I know them in my head (because I have disovered there is a logical, reasonable and intelligent defense for their validity) and in my heart (because I have experienced God in a relational and relevant way). I know that although I have avoided it for so long, I must share my understanding of these truths. It makes no difference if we accept an objective truth or not. It's validity is based <em>in the truth itself, </em>not in the fact that we buy into it. An objective truth would still be true even if no one decided to believe it. Here's the thing, it actually makes no difference to me if I share it or not. So why would I?<br />
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Because it could make all the difference to <em>you.</em><br />
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So, with all of this in mind, I unveil my new ideology...<br />
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I believe that God exists and that this is an objective truth. It is true for me, because it is <em><strong>the</strong></em> truth. For me. And for you. <br />
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I know that this won't be universally well-received but I implore you ... this is not something to feel offended about, for truly my friends, this is SUCH exciting news and I am hoping that as I continue to unpack my journey for you, you may just find yourself as excited about this news as I am ♡</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17422830983627984915noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2563601936723844596.post-2094438624071695592015-02-24T06:55:00.001-08:002015-02-24T06:55:19.436-08:00Why "Unveil"?“Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of - throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself.” <br />
― C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity <br />
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If you made it through that very long quote then you probably deserve an explanation for why this blog exists. Those of you who know me may also know that I already have one under-utilised blog on a horse-related front, why start another one? <br />
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Well, this one is about me and my life.<br />
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How I, and the life I have been trying to construct around me, are being systematically destroyed and reconstructed into something that I could never have envisioned on my own. It is about my <em>real</em> life. The one that not too many people who <em>know </em>me are really aware of. And I think it might be about you too. Or at least I am hoping so.<br />
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I often tell my husband that I could have been a philosopher. Or a theologian. Or both. Maybe someday I'll go back to school (the nerd in me could've really been a scholar!). Until then I continue to be more and more convinced that life is far too short not to have conversations that matter. I also feel that I am moving toward a life that is far more true and authentic ... one in which I more willingly reflect my priorities and values. I want this life to be one that is a testimony to all that I've experienced as a passionate, motivated and driven wife, mother and professional. I also want it to be a life that is transparent (and that is a slightly terrifying thought because it is by no means a perfect life). I want a life that is genuine. A life unveiled.<br />
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I've begun to notice that I spend a lot of time talking, watching t.v. and filling my mind and my mouth with all sorts of superficial junk and now that I see my 4 kids (ages 6, 5, 2 and 1) starting to do the same thing, I'm starting to wonder if our time and our words could be better spent. Then I started thinking about how this might materialize and what I keep coming back to is truth (and the wreckless sharing of it). I don't share it very often. Which is hilarious because I talk A LOT. And it's not really a case of lying, per se. I just don't generally share the whole truth about myself, my life, my thoughts, my beliefs. <br />
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I once had a conversation with my sister-in-law, who is married to a priest and is herself a deacon in the church. We were discussing raising the topic of faith and belief with the people we know and meet. She mentioned that it generally doesn't take long for the topic to come up when you're married to the priest (she wasn't yet a deacon so now I'm sure its even quicker!). I remember being envious, thinking that I wish I had such an easy "in". I would love to be more forthright in expressing my defense of the hope I hold in my heart (1 Peter 3:15 has always been a challenge for me). I didn't find Christianity until I was an adult and there are many people who have known me since long before then and I find it extremely hard to find an non-offensive way of sharing. It's also unfamiliar territory. I spent a lot longer as a non-Christian than I have as a Christian and I sometimes feel unequipped, and occasionally terrified to begin "preaching" on God. <br />
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So here I am. Baring my soul (and the fact that I believe I have one). My own faith and study have brought me to an understanding that what we have is by no means a blind faith. And it isn't a faith that is "just for me, but not for you". In the deeply relativistic climate that we live, I for a long time felt uncompelled to share my faith (or dare I say, *wincing* ... <em>evangelize</em>)<em> </em>because I felt that it was just my choice. But my life has become SO MUCH better since finding my faith. Not necessarily better in a material or eventful way, but in the depth of my being I know I am better off than I was before. In fact, many days it feels like finding my faith has opened up a huge can of complications and challenges. The difference is that now I have something (or more specifically, <em>someone</em>) to create a context, establish boundaries and help make sense of the apparent craziness. I <em>want </em>to share that. I am called to share that. <br />
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But I hardly ever have. <br />
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Until now.<br />
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I know that calling yourself a Christian and talking about your faith can freak people out. I used to be that person who was freaked out. I came from a fairly secular household. My views were generally non-threatening (and more-so apathetic) but nonetheless I held many of the cliché beliefs that non-believers often hold. "Its just not for me". "I don't need that crutch". "I believe that there may be something beyond us but I don't need or want organized religion". <br />
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Luckily, I was dating a guy who's family were the most awesome "crazy religious" people I'd ever met and it allowed me to open up to the idea of normal, smart, educated people, who also believed in God and the Christian community. There are also so many well-respected scientists, scholars, researchers and philosophers who have chosen a life of faith and service to God that I have started to envision being among those who reverse the tide. I would love to be a contradiction to the secular idea that to be "of faith" means you must <em>not </em>be "of science" or "of rational or intelligent legitimacy". You know ... uneducated, deluded or weak. I'm beginning to understand (or at least beginning to be able to articulate) the very opposite. Faith can be reasonable. Faith can be argued through intelligent and well-researched means. Faith can be strong and well-spoken. Faith isn't just for the ignorant or helpless. <br />
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I am ready to share my journey, both how I've arrived here and where I am going. I hope my candid sharing will help those who read it to ask themselves some hard questions and find some of their own answers, even if it puts me in an awkward or uncomfortable position. <br />
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I hope to deepen and strengthen my argument for my faith and my compassion in sharing it. <br />
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I hope to live a life that is more transparent and true to who I am and what I am passionate about. A life where I am not nervous or ashamed to speak the truth with conviction and love. A life unveiled. <br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17422830983627984915noreply@blogger.com2